Drenched With False Affection

"Welcome to the real world", he said to me condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life, plot it out in black and white...

I'm currently sitting in class, dripping wet. Blame the almost-Summer waterfights. It doesn't help when you've got an air-conditioner exerting mechanical-smelling cool air right above you. I smell like the lake just over 2 minutes away from here and it is scorching hot outside. I want to go home, and sleep on the cool ceramic tiles of my kitchen.

No, the teacher doesn't mind that I'm doing this right now.
I've finished my exam revision, and submitted in all pieces of work.

Anyway, my previous blog is of a detailed account of one of my moments of contemplation. Wow, that one sentence beared more 'ofs' than it typically should. It's not as detailed as 'I Love You But', but I'll continue from where I left off.

________________________________________

I closed my eyes, and waited.

Alike all reminisces you'd see in movies or on television, the memory entered my mind in a hazy cloud. In the back of my mind played more-than-subtle chimes. No it did not include birds, frogs or flowers, or any sort of typical fantasy characters/animals. This is how it started:
I was sitting in the passenger seat of my mum's car, merely staring off into space. I was quite surprised at how the rain clouds made the world seem darker than it should. I didn't want to think of it as a frightening coincidence; it's my parents' anniversary, though it too means something else to me.

The radio is playing in the background and my mother is speaking to me. But I can't hear any of that, all I hear are distant voices and mumbles. Tears well up in my eyes. My mother breaks my morbid concentration and repeats the question for the fourth time, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I lie again, for the fourth time, "Yeah."

She drives slowly, I can tell that she's purposely eating up our time. She wants this just as much as I do. The car pulls up slowly by the rear of the library, and we sigh synchronized. "If anything happens, call me ok? I'll just be walking around" I look at her looking at me, with eyes of sympathy. I know for a fact that she doesn't want this happening to me. I nod my head, dropping the weight of my head in a single snap. I reach for the handles of the car door and pull. It doesn't open, I forgot the lock.

I hesitate to get out of the car, my movements are all slow and steady. I hit the ground with my left foot, placing it firm on the ground. I'm trying making sure that this is real. I tell her goodbye, "I'll see you later" and I run.

I quickly pace myself around the complicated structure of the shopping centre, the butterflies in my stomach are raging inside of me. They grow heavier and this causes my knees to shake. I want to fall, I want to scream. But I can't, I'm constricted by sanity.

Running turns into jogging, and jogging turns into walking... Fast. I reassure myself of the place we're sitting at. I make my way through the Food Court jungle, pushing past people and scanning to see that familiar face. I can't find him, and my heart begins to sink.

I sit on the large monument situated in the center of the Food Court, it stands tall. I close my eyes and try to hear him. But I stop immediately, realising that it's a stupid idea. Where could he be? Don't tell me I've been stood up again. I search within my view; not there. I look to my left; no. I look to my right; still no sign.

I look behind me, and almost faint.

Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys feat. John Mayer