The Last Day On Earth

In my head I replay our conversations

Over and over 'til they feel like hallucinations

You know me, I love to lose my mind.

I am clearly taking it day by day. This is simply... A restless blog. In my mind, I'm a crooked child - my imagination roaring and entwining the threads of misery and happiness into one. Though what everyone else sees is the crooked child I am with excessive make-up on.
Love, Bonez.

Album to fall asleep to:

X&Y by Coldplay

I'll Be Love's Suicide

Hola!
Chillin' on this fine, lazy Sunday with some music:
- Wake Up by Arcade Fire
- I'll Be (Acoustic) by Edwin McCain
- Name by The Goo Goo Dolls
- Details In The Fabric by Jason Mraz & James Morrison
- Lisa by Albert Hammond Jr
- Walking On A Dream by Empire Of The Sun
- The Wind Cries Mary by Jimi Hendrix
- Silence Kit by Pavement
- Gold Soundz by Pavement
- Float On by Modest Mouse
- Slow Dance by The Flaws

Omgsh, I really wanna get this album. But the only way I can get it is through iTunes ): Damn Irish indie music. But should be worth it in the end after I get a $20 iTunes card... *Nudge-hint-wink*
Love, Bonez.

Album of the day:

Good News For People Who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse

Wassup Wassup

Mychael

HOLA,
10:30-2:30 Had work today
2:30-3 Hung out with Desmond, Kenneth, Kaitlyn and Jenny after
3-5:30 Went home and watched The Prestige
5:30-6:15 Got dressed up for dinner-followed-by-movie
6:30-8 Dinner at Hog's Breath Cafe with Michael, Yen, Pio and Gian
"Did you know I was in America last Wednesday?"
"But these photos say they were taken in May..."
"Yeah! They were!"
"But you just said it was last Wednesday..."
"...Yeah well, I was in America on a Wednesday in May!"
(Cough-BULLSHIT-cough)
8-8:40 Bought tickets to see Orphan and crashed at Safeway to kill time
"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY... HUBBY" Haha
8:40 Movie
10:30 Home

"I've never lied to you... Well I have... BUT IT WAS TO PROTECT YOU!"

But even so, you still drive me insane

Flooded Valleys

Emotional rollercoasters?
I'm pushing the emergency stop button but...
Why won't it stop?

Song of the night: Brittle Bones by Richard Walters

I may have posted this video once before already but eh, just goes to show how much I love this song :)

God Damn You're Beautiful

Hola chicka,
I'm currently back at school. I'm came really close to quitting, but even though I'm back doesn't mean that I'm still not considering the leave. My parents have been really easy on the situation though 'cause I'm nearly 'coming of age' and my decisions have transitioned from theirs to make, to mine to make.
And I found a sticky note on my mirror this morning from my brother saying:
"just don't hurt yourself sis..."
I swear I bawled till all my make up ran from my eyes to my chin.

I've been receiving pleads to return to school, from all sorts of people, my school email's bombarded with letters of convincing from teachers and what-not saying that I've got "potential" and they can provide help for me if ever I need it. Excuse me? I don't need help.

I talked to the missus last night before I went off to bed, that made my day ease up a little. My mum also found out I was seeing someone. I knew she wouldn't get hysterical about it and the only piece of advice she shared with me was, "just as long as you don't take it seriously, and if anything bad ever happens, don't take it to heart"
Nice.

Back to my IT SAC I go. I've got another SAC later on for chemistry.
Love, Bonez.

Details In The Fabric

Hold your own, know your name and go your own way...

And everything, everything will be fine

Today is by far the longest day I've experienced this year.
It's a long story I don't think I'll ever tell.
Love, Bonez.

Song of the night:
Details In The Fabric by Jason Mraz and James Morrison

Iris

Hands to fuel desire
I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine
This moment seems so long
Don’t waste, now, precious time

HOLA!
I'm in IT at the moment doing a SAC and I thought I might sneak in a blog! I'm doing one of those 3-4 week SACs so I guess I'm not wasting too much time, teehee. I hope. I'm taking the bus back down to base campus (I'm in Melton at the moment) and I've got engrish next, yizzurrrr. I guess that'd be my best subject at the moment, next to history or something.

I got my methods and adv. gen. maths results back, aaaaaaand it was an A and B+. Ergh, I haven't been putting any effort or study into my math subjects lately, so I guess my average is dropping. I haven't also been studying beforehand, so, that's bad. :o

I MUST BE MOTIVATED!!!

My right hand's aching at the moment, it's one of those it's-aching-'cause-it's-so-damn-cold kind of aching. :o! But yeah, but if you've noticed (yeah you probably haven't haha) I've been trying to be as animated as I can in my blog entries. All my previous entries were either depressive, indifferent or... Both. o_o And I've realised that by being jubilant and animated, will my mood be affected as well. So yeah :) It's really effective so far, blah blah blah.

Bye for now but not forever!
Love, Bonez.

Current song:
You Won't Be Fooled By This - Albert Hammond Jr.
Album of the day:
Intimacy by Bloc Party

I Wanna Be The Hat You Put On Your Head

And if it's hard for you to get to sleep,

I'll sing you a melody!

I'M HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY.
I HATE SCHOOL 'CAUSE THE TEACHERS ARE ALL SOOKS AND THE HEAD OF SENIOR SCHOOL'S A NAZI. But then again, I get where they're coming from, and 90% of the year level are dickheads. Everyday at school, there's always a teacher that'll either cry or storm out of a room and call for an emergency meeting with the Head of Senior School. Pretty sad, but that's how school goes, I think. That's not normal is it?

I lost one of the two balls for my belly piercing and I had to spend a huge majority of the day with using sticky tape as a substitute for that missing ball. 'Twas strange and annoying if you ask me! And after school, mum bought me another piercing to replace it. It's cute in my opinion, it's in the shape of a spider!

I'm watching a movie with the missus this Wednesday and it's my turn to pick the film. I had to put up with District 9 last time, aksuhfkdjfhdf. Haha nah, it was alright. 'Twas goot like guten tag (WHAT THE FFFFFUH). Should I make him suffer by picking Coraline 3D or Bandslam OR a chick flick? (I honestly wouldn't mind watching either! Coraline looks good) or should I please him by choosing G.I. Joe or Orphan?
It's too bad the showing times for The Ugly Truth is scheduled late. Oh boo!

I'm still stuck on holiday/weekend mode! Oh blimey.

Sexy Bitch

M: "Daaaayummmm yousa sexy bitch..."
B: (funny look)
M: "...Well I obviously wasn't talking to you!"

Smitten, infatuated, whatever! You've got me on a high.
"Do you have a bandaid? 'Cause I scrapped my knee falling for you."

GROOVE WENT OFF! Even though we didn't get into the top 3, I have never been more in love with this family of ours! And congratulations to Hood Dreams (varsity) and Detour (open) for winning Groove Heat 2! And well done to all the competing/participating crews! You guys were sexy! I wanna touch you all!!!

"What if I told you that... My heart beats a little more when you're around?"

Wednesday:
Had methods first thing in the morning, which led to ad. gen. maths in Melton. We had a SAC and halfway through it, I found myself asking "What does a polar coordinate look like again?" Oh geez, and I thought I'd do fine if I didn't study thoroughly. Moron!
After the SAC we took the bus back to main campus and had our english SAC. Oh my gosh, I was writing like crazy for the whole 100 minutes. I ended up writing a 5 page essay when the requirement was around 3.

I didn't end up going to Mr. Roast with Ana and Brandon after school 'cause I had to run along home. I got changed when I got home in time to pick up Groove money from Yen and dance practice.
It was a pretty productive day so far, and ended the night with texting Michael.

This blog will be updated further today.

I Need You So Much Closer

"Well how long am I gonna have to "see what happens" before anything actually happens?"

Got to school, opened my locker and got a message from Michael; "Have a nice day at school biatch". Got my stuff and walked to class with a smile on my face. Walked in, and was questioned about why I left campus premises yesterday and for the reasoning. I didn't wanna make up anymore excuses so bluntly I told them, "I just left." and was told to be seen after morning homegroup. Morning homegroup ended and I walked into the teachers office. Geraden was on his way to the teachers office as well, we were clearly in the shits and we acknowledged each others' smiles about the thought. I sat down in a different office from where he sat, and I was questioned further. I zoned out most of the time, and was consciously awoken by these exact words, "If this continues any further, you're looking at a suspension here." I wanted to tell him about all the other times I skipped school and classes, but he finally bet me to it by saying "But I'll have to discuss it with the head of senior school about whether or not we'll just phone home about this." I wanted to stand up and tell him to stop being a pussy, to give me a punishment I honestly deserve. None of this pussy lay-offs because I'm a girl, I don't want a mere slap on the wrist.

After that, I made my way to history with my friends keen to know what went on. After history, I left to take my bus to Melton for IT. Oh glorious SACs. After IT, I took the bus back to home campus and had a chemistry SAC. It was actually 100000 times easier than I had initially anticipated.

After school I had work, and did my thing. I then went home, ate dinner and watched 'Talkin' 'Bout Your Generation'. After watching television for the first time in months, I went up to study for tomorrow's english and ad. gen. math SACs and realised I've already studied for 'em. I felt lonely and had decided to message Dax if he was free to chat. This was honestly the first decent phone conversation I've had in MONTHS. I talked to him about the missus and my insecurities, and despite his lack of help, he always seems to be able to make me feel much better after. He's a good pal, that guy.

Off to bed I go.
Love, Bonez.

Note to self: Drop by Yen's tomorrow after school.

Wasting Life Away, Piece By Piece

As I sit here, watching the liquid paper/white-out paint on my sheet of paper dry, I realise how apathetic I've become. So lazy, languid, lethargic. I have a chemistry SAC tomorrow and I could honestly tell you everything I know and have learnt about chemistry in two words and four syllables: ut-ter bull-shit.

I could honestly tell you that I don't give two shits about sciences which concentrate on the theory of molecules and atoms that make up everything single thing which falls under the category of matter - whether it'd be colossal, nano-sized or naked to the human eye. I hate it with a passion, well for me to do anyway. There are millions out there who're fit for this.

I've finally decided what I want to take up in university, and I am so bloody certain that this should be the path my life should follow: classics and archaeology.

Album of the day:
¿Cómo Te Llama? by Albert Hammond Jr

Passenger Seat

How am I able to even call myself a 'girlfriend' when we hang out like we're just pals? Afraid to get close to you in fear that it'll all go to shit in the end - that you may possibly lose it completely for me, and we're slowly transitioning from 'us' to 'you and me'. Could it be that we're just both shy and both tainted by our pasts? I've prayed that it wouldn't let it get to me, but it's driving me insane. It seems to worsen my attitude and mood, by being so bothered. I really want you to know how I feel. We're together already... So shouldn't it be easy?

I feel that pathetic.

___________________________________

All my plans were mysteriously cancelled and so I was left to travel alone to the city. I was dropped off on a street I didn't know and ended up walking for a while until I reached Bourke. I didn't end up going to MU, but Michael went to both ACU and MU with his mates and we met up after. He picked me up at the Reader's Feast bookstore, where I bought The Death of Socrates by Emily Wilson (a really good philosophical analysis/read), and bought movie tickets to see District 9 at MC. We had 30mins to kill so we decided to go back to his friends at Nandos and crash with them and the girls. 30mins was up and we went back to the movie. Watched it, and went home.

I need to stop pretending a lot.

Albums of the week:
- Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie
- From A Basement On The Hill by Elliott Smith

Killing Me Softly

Strumming my pain with his fingers

Singing my life with his words

Killing me softly with his song

I think I'm crazy.

____________________________________

Shattered, I was really looking forward to going to the movies tomorrow but I couldn't. I've got Melbourne Uni on Sunday with dad, I'm beginning to wish he moved back overseas. How ungrateful and selfish of me.

Heaven On Earth

We have something like miracle
Yeah, I'll stay with you
Stay With You by John Legend

Bonez: "...And no! I would not like to watch a movie with you!"
Michael: "Whatever, you sooo want to."
My Sister's Keeper or The Ugly Truth?

Friday: Ellusive practice 5-9pm wwwhhhuuuttt!
Saturday: Work, possibly a movie with #2 if I'm able to get out of work early
Sunday: Melbourne Uni. open day with dad

I'm beginning to become really lazy with the blogging lately.
Love, Bonez.

Last Day On Earth

Look down - the ground below is crumbling
Look up - the stars are all exploding
Between the dust and debris
There's a light surrounding you and me
And you hold me closer than I can ever remember being held
I'm not afraid to sleep now, if we can stay like this until
It's the last day on earth in my dreams
It's the end of the world and you've come back to me in my dreams
In my head I repeat our conversations
Over and over 'til they feel like hallucinations
You know me - I love to lose my mind
And every time andybody speaks your name I still feel the same
I ache, I ache, I ache inside
Last Day On Earth by Kate Miller-Heidke

And even when the world's against us, our insecurities bring us together.
_________________________________________

I've been well, I've just been very pensive lately.
My thoughts have been making me anti-social again, but eh.

Will You Find Relief? For These Bones.

Hold it now
You've got everyone convinced that you're alright
When no one else is quite as vulnerable

Love, Bonez.

Ave Maria

Echo conference changed my life.
My faith strengthened, my relationship with our Lord intensified.
My views altered, my love everlasting.

Attended RMIT and Australian Academy of Design open day with my dear Alex. Didn't get to watch My Sister's Keeper 'cause we got lost trying to find the Academy and we met Simona along the way. We girls had lunch at that Turkish restaurant. Waved Alex off for her Werribee train and met up with Michael. Things were smoother than I had anticipated, I was so scared. But now I don't understand why I was initially.

Here are the names of people I saw/met along the way in the city:
Krey, JD, PJ, Lauren, Jess, Edward, Rochelle, Angus, Deyar, Julius, Long, Jose, Dianarah, Karnhy, Jon, Paul, Simona, Thea, Lawrence, Luke, Brandon, Rocky and Ana. Well those were the people I remembered anyhow D:!

Torn Apart At The Seams

Everyday I wake up.
Life sucks and then you die.

People just can't be happy these days. You can never please anyone. Give us a break. Give yourself a break. A rest is all we ask for.
It's been 5 days since I've heard from you at all.

Love Migraine

I think it’s best if you got your things and got out of here. I got a migraine.
Someone please come stop the pain, I can’t take this love migraine. My head don’t hurt as much as my heart.

Love Migraine by Ne-Yo

Ali-i-i-ive!

"You have bags underneath your eyes"
"What? Like make-up bags?"
"No, like lack-of-sleep bags"

I can't help it, for four nights I've been waking up screaming from nightmares. I can never get back to sleep, always too afraid to try and close my eyes - unwanting to re-see the image.
___________________________________

SAAAARRRRRRPPPPPPPPP BLOGGERRRRRRRRR!? I've been having these wild nightmares for a a few nights and it's starting to annoy/bother me. The dreams are usually of realistic things such as being abandoned, raped, physically abused... Witnessing fights, shootings, Nazi Germany, massacres and revolution. I should stop reading books and stories before I go to sleep.

OK SO ONE THING I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR IS... This Sunday! I'm not excited for waking up as early as 7am to get ready though. Alex and I are watching My Sister's Keeper at 10am, attending university open days for RMIT and Australian Academy Of Design (12-2), grabbing lunch and then... SHOPPANGGGGG! After that, I'm meeting up with mah man-candy for some 'happy time' around 4? ;D HAHA SUSSSS, nah. And then dinner with my parents at Crown at 7. NOICE.

And so she said to me, "Don't worry, wanna hear my theory? My theory's that... All couples who start off awkward tend to last longer than couples that dive in immediately."

I hate these stupid dreams where I run away from you and return to find you gone. It's a little hypocritical don't you think? Ironic?

BONEZ, STOP LETTING IT GET TO YOU. :@

Girly Girl Y Girly Girl

Church this morning at Sacred Heart and met up with Yen and Let there. Our parents' plan was to meet up at Yen's for afternoon tea and etc. But I decided to detour through St Albans so I could grab some food before we had afternoon tea at her place. Yeah, I was pretty pointless getting food before afternoon tea but eh. We stopped at that fob roll place, Banh Mi Thanh La?, (hit me if I spelt it wrong) and my brother got that pork roll while I bought 20 bread rolls and egg butter. Oh my gash, I love egg butter. And I started eating that.

Got to Yen's again with her and Let there. Chilled and talked like what normal girls do and ate "that egg pie thing" LOL. Let and I then decided to go Watergay's for some... Shoppang! And Kevs was working so we decided to see him after work. I HAVE NEVER BOUGHT ANYTHING FROM SUPRE UNTIL TODAY. Just a couple of singlets, a beanie from Cotton On and I put some sexy jacket on lay-by at Sportsgirl. The three of us met up with Rainer and Erold, and they left after to go to Highpoint or some shet. We decided to crash at Gloria Jean's to chill and kill some time before Let's dad came to pick us up.

Got home at like 4:30? And I decided to have a fashion parade in my room. Yeah shut up. In grade 6, if you ever asked me if I'd ever turn out like this in the future, I'd reply with a fat "HELL NAW" 'cause most of you would know that I was a tomboy. Errgggghhhhh haha, the good ol' days. I just want it to be the holidays already!

LOVE YERRRRRRRRRRR.

Sexy Bitch - David Guetta

Help I'm Alive - Metric

Stop This Train

I can't stand the bad dreams
I can't stand the lack of communication
I can't stand holding back
I can't stand not showing you what I feel in fear of judgment
I can't stand the cut off conversations
I can't stand not hearing from you for two to three days at a time
I can't stand feeling like this, honestly
If I had my way, I'd have an on and off switch for my emotions

I kinda miss you all the time.

Be Careful Child, Light The Fuse And Get Away

This blog has become more of a notebook/journal for me.

I don't know what to feel in situations like this. I'm disappointed as well as missing you. Though disappointment outweighs the two. I don't know if I can be bothered at all during this time, but I really like you. I tried... But you're just so hard to get through. I don't know what you want from me, and I'm starting to get really tired. Really, really tired.

Had practice today. I love Ellusive. Woo woo woo. They're like my second family, and being/dancing with them takes all my worries away. They're not aware of it, but they have the power of doing that. I love you guys, I don't know if I say that enough.

And the reason why I don't "check out" other people is because no one else interests me. What's your excuse?