"And all I wanted was a call, but it never came to First and Amistad"
It's nights like these; you've done everything you can. Completed your work, worked chores for the sake of killin' some time only to find that you have more time on your hands. I sit on my bed an think, "What now?" and secretly wish for my phone to ring.
These are the downfalls of being single - you also have these lonely nights.
________________________________________
Let go of your childhood. Your past.
I know it's nice reminiscing... But all the time? How do you expect to progress into the future and claim your goal of making 2009 the year of your life when you're just so hung up on the past? glued to those fond memories which you wish to retain, to experiece all over again and for the rest of your life.
Let it go darling, I let you go.
________________________________________
You've just called me, interrogating me with nonsense.
What's so special about him? Why not me? Why aren't I the one?
Well whoever you claim for him to be, he's not special.
Not one bit.
Say his name damnit! Getting my heart crushed isn't something new.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Rotten Candy Apples
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Selling fruit and cigarettes by the side of the nearby college, he grew desperate. "You ain't eatin' tonight if you don't be sellin' 'em cigs and fruit aye!" his grandmother shrilled in his ear. His drums vibrated as he wiped her spit from his face, "'Cause we'd really earn something from selling rotting fruit and stolen cigarettes." he muttered to himself.
"Don't you be actin' all smart with me boy! You ain't never been to no school!" Smack.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
He closed his eyes and reopened them, Sleep. I need sleep. He squats and stretches like a lion, he falls back. He looks towards the gate and catches sight of the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. No chance.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
"Either you wanna stay in this good, providing home or you go with that dirty, unruly, street boy and earn money from that no good fruit and stolen cigarettes! Live under sheets of tin and cardboard if you dare!" her father yelled,
"But I love him daddy!"
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
They couldn't pay for the nice, white wedding she'd always dreamed of when she was 9, but they did fine without. They had a girl the year after. She was the second most beautiful girl in the world in his eyes. Susan, they named her.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
14 years old and his daughter was as much developed as a mature adult. "Sharmaine please! we need the money!" he pleads his wife, "she's our only chance to actually live! I'm sick of collecting plastic bottles for a living!"
"Anything but prostitution! Ernie, please!"
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Her daughter earned well, and as much as it pained him, he was proud of her. "Takin' one for the team" as he'd always said to her. She hated him as much as the devil.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Drug dealing became a side-career he began to pursue, We'll earn lotsa cash and build a big house. We'll get outta this shithole and my lil' girl'll get all the pretty things she wants. He thought as he chopped his last block o' coke. Working odd hours, his wife and child seemed to care less and less. A client he receives, He don't look so tough. He cheats 4 grams instead of 5, unlike the scrawny man had asked for. Little did he know, he crossed the meanest man in town.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
He walks home on the broken sidewalk, crumpled cash in pocket and the biggest smile on his face. A nice, shiny car pulls over, It's that piss-weak man I cheated before, he thought, he'd better not ask for more. I'm getting tired. The nice car's windows begin to roll down, he walks towards the car in comfort. "D'ya want more snow or somethin' fellas?"
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Between his eyes, he stares down the barrel of an AK47. They say before you die, your whole life flashes before your very eyes; well no movie played, no fond memories flickered. What he saw was his wife and newborn child. Truly his whole life. Bang.
He was born without a penny and died without a penny.
_________________________________
I get weird ideas for stories in my spare time; I thought up of this idea while driving past my school on the way to a friend's house. If you notice throughout the story, I get confused as to which tense to use; past or present.
Proof-read, tell me what you think. Anything.
Love.
Selling fruit and cigarettes by the side of the nearby college, he grew desperate. "You ain't eatin' tonight if you don't be sellin' 'em cigs and fruit aye!" his grandmother shrilled in his ear. His drums vibrated as he wiped her spit from his face, "'Cause we'd really earn something from selling rotting fruit and stolen cigarettes." he muttered to himself.
"Don't you be actin' all smart with me boy! You ain't never been to no school!" Smack.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
He closed his eyes and reopened them, Sleep. I need sleep. He squats and stretches like a lion, he falls back. He looks towards the gate and catches sight of the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. No chance.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
"Either you wanna stay in this good, providing home or you go with that dirty, unruly, street boy and earn money from that no good fruit and stolen cigarettes! Live under sheets of tin and cardboard if you dare!" her father yelled,
"But I love him daddy!"
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
They couldn't pay for the nice, white wedding she'd always dreamed of when she was 9, but they did fine without. They had a girl the year after. She was the second most beautiful girl in the world in his eyes. Susan, they named her.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
14 years old and his daughter was as much developed as a mature adult. "Sharmaine please! we need the money!" he pleads his wife, "she's our only chance to actually live! I'm sick of collecting plastic bottles for a living!"
"Anything but prostitution! Ernie, please!"
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Her daughter earned well, and as much as it pained him, he was proud of her. "Takin' one for the team" as he'd always said to her. She hated him as much as the devil.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Drug dealing became a side-career he began to pursue, We'll earn lotsa cash and build a big house. We'll get outta this shithole and my lil' girl'll get all the pretty things she wants. He thought as he chopped his last block o' coke. Working odd hours, his wife and child seemed to care less and less. A client he receives, He don't look so tough. He cheats 4 grams instead of 5, unlike the scrawny man had asked for. Little did he know, he crossed the meanest man in town.
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
He walks home on the broken sidewalk, crumpled cash in pocket and the biggest smile on his face. A nice, shiny car pulls over, It's that piss-weak man I cheated before, he thought, he'd better not ask for more. I'm getting tired. The nice car's windows begin to roll down, he walks towards the car in comfort. "D'ya want more snow or somethin' fellas?"
He was born without a penny and grew up without a penny.
Between his eyes, he stares down the barrel of an AK47. They say before you die, your whole life flashes before your very eyes; well no movie played, no fond memories flickered. What he saw was his wife and newborn child. Truly his whole life. Bang.
He was born without a penny and died without a penny.
_________________________________
I get weird ideas for stories in my spare time; I thought up of this idea while driving past my school on the way to a friend's house. If you notice throughout the story, I get confused as to which tense to use; past or present.
Proof-read, tell me what you think. Anything.
Love.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
She's Gonna Teach Me How To Swim
Or not.
I'm aquaphobic.
Dear xxx,
Here we go again. Awkward silences fill the space between us, the space behind us and the space all around us. You know I hate that. You know I hate it most when you don't speak at all, which is all the time.
What can I say to you? I always fuck up. If I say something real, you'll push me away. If I don't say anything at all, you'll think I'm angry at you. Or sad. Or whatever I'm not feeling!
What can I say to make you speak? You have no mouth, yet again you do. Use it! My mind is crying, my brain is crying, my heart is sinking. My heart finds the base of my pelvis bone, it pushes up all my guts to the pit of my throat. I want to vomit.
I want to write a letter to you, addressed to just you. Not some alter-ego name used on a blog I know you're never going to read. Read me!
A year is coming to a close; an eclipse, a revolution.
But you're neither friend nor foe... Seeing you was like taking a bullet.
I'm aquaphobic.
Dear xxx,
Here we go again. Awkward silences fill the space between us, the space behind us and the space all around us. You know I hate that. You know I hate it most when you don't speak at all, which is all the time.
What can I say to you? I always fuck up. If I say something real, you'll push me away. If I don't say anything at all, you'll think I'm angry at you. Or sad. Or whatever I'm not feeling!
What can I say to make you speak? You have no mouth, yet again you do. Use it! My mind is crying, my brain is crying, my heart is sinking. My heart finds the base of my pelvis bone, it pushes up all my guts to the pit of my throat. I want to vomit.
I want to write a letter to you, addressed to just you. Not some alter-ego name used on a blog I know you're never going to read. Read me!
A year is coming to a close; an eclipse, a revolution.
But you're neither friend nor foe... Seeing you was like taking a bullet.
Gravity by Sara Bareilles.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
D'You Want To Go To The Seaside? I'm Not Tryna Say That Everyone Wants To Go
It's Tuesday, 10th of Feb.
It's 12:28 in the afternoon and I'm sitting in a library with no books.
I've missed my bus to IT 3/4 so I'm stuck with spares. Reshimama's playing her PSP and Jess is... Doing whatever she does best.
I've completed a third of my History essay and I'm just waiting on my teacher to do some proofreading.
Thea and I are going to the city to pick up some photograph enlargements, and we plan on surprising a special someone when we come back :)
Tomorrow, Wednesday, the 11th, will be another depressing school routine. Though after-school I'm driving to Jess' house to drop off her humongous 16th birthday present. After, get my eyebrows done in St Albans, the place to be. It's also my dad's birthday on the 11th.
I'd better ring him long-distance.
If I have time on Wednesday, I'd better get Jarryd his Hallmark Holiday present. I never even wanted a Valentine to begin with.
Thursday, work.
Supposedly, I was to attend the Battle Of The Bands on Friday with Thea and Tee to see Jose pro-out his skeelz. Plans change though. I'm not going to school on Friday, relative's funeral. And I've got Jon's 18th in the evening.
Love you all.
It's 12:28 in the afternoon and I'm sitting in a library with no books.
I've missed my bus to IT 3/4 so I'm stuck with spares. Reshimama's playing her PSP and Jess is... Doing whatever she does best.
I've completed a third of my History essay and I'm just waiting on my teacher to do some proofreading.
Thea and I are going to the city to pick up some photograph enlargements, and we plan on surprising a special someone when we come back :)
Tomorrow, Wednesday, the 11th, will be another depressing school routine. Though after-school I'm driving to Jess' house to drop off her humongous 16th birthday present. After, get my eyebrows done in St Albans, the place to be. It's also my dad's birthday on the 11th.
I'd better ring him long-distance.
If I have time on Wednesday, I'd better get Jarryd his Hallmark Holiday present. I never even wanted a Valentine to begin with.
Thursday, work.
Supposedly, I was to attend the Battle Of The Bands on Friday with Thea and Tee to see Jose pro-out his skeelz. Plans change though. I'm not going to school on Friday, relative's funeral. And I've got Jon's 18th in the evening.
Love you all.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Still I Need Your Sway, 'Cause You Always Pay For It
Day 1 of cyber-networking abstinence.
I never thought that looking for pyjamas would be such a hard task.
I'm pretty miserable without my earphones.
Happy Sweet Sixteenth Jessica.
I never thought that looking for pyjamas would be such a hard task.
I'm pretty miserable without my earphones.
Happy Sweet Sixteenth Jessica.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Another Moment Is Another Eternity
Temperature rising, blood floods my ears.
Heart beat pumping, mind swells with blood.
I take a step closer, fragile knees weaken.
I take two steps back, and fall to the floor.
Am I breathing? Feel my fingers shaking.
We choose to ignore that we are both in pain.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Golden Skans
To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real. To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, "I miss you."?
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine. You've been gone ten months and I'm wasting away. I know I'll see you again whether far or soon. But I need you to know that I care and, I miss you.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, "I miss you."?
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine. You've been gone ten months and I'm wasting away. I know I'll see you again whether far or soon. But I need you to know that I care and, I miss you.
- I Miss You by Lifehouse
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