Chinese Propaganda

I fan myself with propaganda posters.

I get really annoyed with people who don't close doors, leave powerpoint switches on, drop even the smallest of rubbish on the ground...

Darling if you don't like me, please just say so.

Don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, it's nothing new.

Don't leave me hanging, or maybe I'm just impatient.

I need reassurance, I need certainty.
I can't be left with possibilities, or maybe I'm just afraid that everything will turn out the way it did before. I'm scared to death, yet I demand to hear the frightening truth. To get it over and done with, then break away from the rest of the world as it continues to move on.

And growing paranoid lets me know how much I really care for this person.

Love Is Blind

If you refuse to open your eyes.


I refuse to let you make this hard for me. For a long time, I spent my days and nights crying out to you. Crying out so loud, I know you heard my muffled cries through your bedroom window. So desperate to have you back, I would've crawled all the way to Hell and back for you with a horse tied to my neck.

And all the while, you've indulged in your overpowering status in the situation we both shared. You being the punisher, while I pose as sufferer. You're no more than a stranger to me now. Who would've known that I'd find somebody better?
I'm happy now, so don't tell me that you're hurt. You haven't felt nothing yet.

He Puts The Weights Into My Little Heart

You make me laugh like nobody has ever made me laugh.
Could I honestly say you were worth the 16.5 month wait?
I just hope that it'll never come to the point where I regret falling for you.

When I See U by Fantasia Barino

Even Legends Die

The death of Michael Jackson made me realise that despite his legendary figure, he was still human. Since I was little, I always thought MJ would live forever; his death made me realise that time does move. We'll all be gone one day, future generations replacing our current existences to experience and learn the lessons we learn.

Text messaging:
"Epic fail! So much for me leaving in 20 mins! See u soon michael :)"
"And I was just about to make my move. Sucks. Byebye bonez :D"

I'm going to stop my drug use, and tone down my compulsive cursing. You don't tell me to, but you make me want to become a good person.

Happy birthday best-friend! (L)

I'll Love You Forever, Rest In Peace

I cried the moment I heard.

Rest in peace Michael Jackson
I've loved you since day one.

She's Out Of My Life by Michael Jackson

Just Say You Understand, I Never Had This Planned

"I seriously think I'm falling for him. I'm a friggin' idiot."
I feel emotionally attached, but I'm still able to keep my cool and distance.
I don't feel like myself at all, honestly.
I'm not used to the affection, but I'm addicted to it.
Wwwhhhaaattt ooonnn eeeaaarrrttthhh.
This is crazy, I never saw it coming.

"Sorry - Not A Winner"

I'm in the mood for some underground rap today.
- Drug Music by Non Phixion
- Unparalleled (Decompoze Remix) by One Be Lo
- Bandit Queen by Looptroop
- Long Arm Of The Law by Looptroop
- Heavenly Divine by Jedi Mind Tricks
- Storm Of Swords by Jedi Mind Tricks
- Razorblade Salvation (Feat. Shara Worden) by Jedi Mind Tricks
- World Reknown by K-Otix
- What A Great Night by Hilltop Hoods

I'm in an especially good mood this week :)

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Fighting a war inside my mind, I'm all lost the more I find
The more I ride toward the skies, open wide, rain warm
You get ya brain torn, brain storm till the pain gone
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"Sorry - not a winner" photo from y'day's scratchy machine :)
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Wed (24): Prac at UF (6-9pm)
Thurs (25): Work (3:30-7pm)
Fri (26): Check in at Crown, store-hopping with mum
Sat (27): Work (10:30am-2:30pm), XT (6-12pm), Tee's (12pm-lllaaattteee)
Sun (28): Check out of Crown, Jas' 17th (Forever Barbie Exhibition, picnic)(2pm-late)
Mon (29): Work (1-4pm)
Tues (30): 'No Drama' at MMA (3:30-6pm), Michael-time LOL
Wed (1): Michael-time :)
Thurs (2): Work (1-4pm)
Fri-Sat (3-4): Dax's 18th
Sun (5):
Mon (6): Work (1-4pm)
Tues (7):
Wed-Sun (8-12): Dancing at OLC in Sydney!
Mon (13):

Could I Just Inform You...

...That you have made this the best day ever?
5 hours and my fingers still reek of cancer sticks.

Woke up at 10:45
Played GTA on Playstation till 12pm
Breakfast: Nutri Grain and soy milk
Talked to mum, interesting convo 'bout shoot outs and traffic disputes
Took a shower
Tried to steal from mum's wallet
Got caught out, had me chasing around the whole house
Good fun, lent me $30 instead
Got to the station at 2-something pm
Took the train, I hate ticket inspectors
Got to MC, bought a chai latte from GJ's, used the name 'Laura'
Sat near the clock for a good half an hour
Tourists were talking photos of the clock thing when it started singing
Left the clock and decided to walk up to State
Some fat guy stops in front of me as I walk
I look at him for a good 10 secs
I realised I know this person
I jump and scream on him
"OH MY SHIT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES!!!"
Lit me a ciggie and walked to Chinatown to meet up with our other Asian friends he caught up with on the way
Almost got ran over by a van
Met our Asian friends while playing Maximum Tune
Our Asians lost to other Asians
Had about 3 ciggies by then
Asians had to go tutor
Rowan and I left to go back to MC
Had 5 ciggies by then
Walked to the ramp near KFC and chilled while waiting for my 'date'/friend
Had 8 ciggies by then time we saw my friends
Said goodbye to Rowan and hellooooo to date
Saw Kevs and Let and idiot who tried to pick me up at Khoi's
"There's something I've always wanted to do since I turned 18... Buy a scratchy"
"You're the funniest guy I've ever met"
Bought two $5 scratchies
Epic fail, we both lost
"Sorry - not a winner" hahaha
Got depressed and decided to eat
Walked for ages looking for a good food place
Finally found a good food place
Ditched the good food place for another good food place
Ate at the good food place
Ate good food
Paid for the good food
Left to go Fed Square
Walked past Fed Square into the darkness of the nearby river
"Are you going to rape me?"
Walked past couples macking in the dark, so awkward
Trepassed onto a good grass place
Sat on the cliff face of good grass place
Laid down on the good grass and looked at the sky
How fail, there were no stars
"The sky looks like watery coffee"
Needed to meet dad at Crown
It starts raining, I whip out fresh umbrella
"Smooth move"
Started pouring, shared umbrella, shoes got soaked
Reached Crown lobby
Hugged, kisses on cheek
Met dad at fancy fountain place
Talked for ages
Got home
Smiled like an idiot all the way home
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Doesn't sound too interesting but, my God, it was.

Take Me To The Place Where The White Boys Dance

"See, I told you I'd call!"
"Uh yeah, you called... EVENTUALLY."
"Eventually? Oh, so you were waiting for my call?"
"NO!"
"You can't lie to me!"

I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

(Day 2)
I was upset and you were there, a stranger out of the blue. “I was afraid to talk to you in fear that you were taken by another lucky man” or “I held out long enough just for a girl like you” were the kind of things you were saying to me. It felt like those lines were recycled... Rehearsed. And all I could do was reply with a sceptical “Bullshit! I don’t believe you!” to masquerade and guard any sort of vulnerability in me that’d believe anything you’d say.

The whole night we sat, talked and cuddled in the cold, grass strip on the lawn out the front of the house as you promised my friends and I that you would get me sober in no time.
You never took advantage of me.

With the time we spent being close to one another, you constantly asked me, “Now that you’re getting sober... Serious question ok? Would you honestly like to hang out sometime?”
Even though I was drunk, I knew what I was doing and saying. So “Yes, yes, yes” I said to you a million times. This isn’t my first ‘pick-up’ situation, but nothing like this has ever happened.

"Ok," I said as my voice slurred, my mind spinning and twirling simultaneously, "I'm gonna give you 8 days to call me back. Andddddd if you don't, I'll go to your school and bash you!"

I really hope you do.

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And to a friend who is everything like a sister to me, that very night you were upset. I know that nothing I said made anything better, I was drunk but I wanted you to be happy. I was talking in slurs and broken sentences. You know I’m bad at cheering up my friends, let alone cheer myself up. I love you, is all I can say.

Låt Den Rätte Komma In

Quick update:
Haven't had the net connection for two weeks? Something like that. Been here, there, everywhere. Had my first sleepover this Wednesday at Tess'. Singstar with the girls, painted on the beauty face-mask things, watched The Breakup, binged on chocolate, indie chillout sessions, and stayed up gossiping/laughing/talking until we fell asleep. I love it 'cause I never do this with my other friends. ):

I've been sneaking out at night, catching cabs to wherever, whenever.
$16 for a bloody 7 min drive.

All I can think about right now are chai lattes.

I'm at IT right now, finished my SAC this Tues? Or Mon?
I've just finished a test for IT so we can bludge, whatever.

June 24... I think. Låt Den Rätte Komma In (Let The Right One In) is showing in the Astor Cinemas. It's a Swedish movie, click on the links for more info.
Who wants in?

Freeze Frame Project thing this Sat.
Deets: 1:00-1:05pm at Bourke St Mall, meeting point is at the huge clam-looking purse thing. It's a thing where a thousand-something people go to a central place and freeze for five minutes. It's pretty sick.

I start holidays after today.
I need to get Thea something, but all I can think about are chai lattes.
I feel as cold as stone. Apathetic, how pathetic.

I wouldn't mind disappearing altogether.

Be My Wife (Bowie Covered) by Richard Walters

Breakeven

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathin'
Just prayin' to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while he got freedom
His best days were some of my worst
He finally met a girl that's gonna put him first
While I'm wide awake. he's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces.

Falling Slowly by Glen dHansard and Markéta Irglová

Happy birthday Thea (L)

Let Me Down Easy

So many times
I've glimpsed
another part of me
in strangers' eyes -
and so the game begins,
the touch -
the warmth -
the flame that burns too bright
and dies -
then comes the pain
that only friendship ends -
~ by Nan Witcomb


Recent posts have been posted via iPhone.
So all apologies for the slack entries.

If You Go Down, I Go With You

It gets pretty lonely as the world begins to sleep.
I'm wink-eyed.

When The Weather Is Fine by Thirsty Merc

Suicide Note

"Yeah I know her. She's pretty and good with numbers, but besides that I don't know anything about her. She doesn't say much."
Possibly the nicest thing a stranger has said about me.

"Not a million fights could make me hate you."
Do you even think that he has even the slightest clue?
One day, I want to be able to honestly say as Elliott Smith has said, "Yeah, I jumped off a cliff, but let's talk about something else."

Currently listening to: King's Crossing by Elliott Smith
Currently reading: Breath by Tim Winton

Growing up loud and vivacious, you tend to quieten down as years pass by.
I might disappear every now and then, don't try to find me.

Have No Fear

Have No Fear by Bird York

It's good to have company around, it takes my mind off you.
But lately I've been spending too much time alone.
It's strange how we're distant like this.

It's been years, I should get used to this.

Better In Time

Thank you everyone, especially Ellusive DC.
It was nothing too serious, and I'm swine-free! So now you all don't have a reason to stay away from me. Har har har. However, my flu wasn't the sole reason as to why I was admitted into hospital. I was confined on a wheelchair for 6 hours and gosh that was fun and irritating at the same time. Hopefully I'll be able to explain in person as I feel as "blogging" seems inappropriate.

More than lots of love,
Bonez.

Literal

I'm currently in the waiting room of Sunshine Hospital
I'm sitting in a wheelchair, and have been doing so in the past 3 hours.
I like wheelchairs
3 paramedics had to pull me out of the car and such, which explains the whole wheelchair issue. Or should.
_______________________________

I've missed you the whole day.

Where Did I Go Wrong?

He will do one of two things;
He will admit to everything, or he'll say he's just not the same.
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
- How To Save A Life by The Fray

Those Eyes, You've Got Me Hypnotized

But suffice it to say, we're leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep, watching the day lie down instead
- Unsaid by The Fray

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Had my IT SAC at Melton in the morn, and ad. gen. as well. Friggin' my friends wagged ad. gen. and left me hanging in Melton. Andrew sent me a text message telling me to take the bus back to Caroline Springs but I had 'no service'; I didn't receive the message until an hour ago -.-
Came back to base campus and the girls and I, plus Andrew, were illchaying on the grass. I love it! I also had my methods exam today, I guess the day went pretty well.

Except for me being sick, straight after school I crashed. I only got up a few minutes ago. I also dreamt of doing chemistry in my head o_o like bondings, intermolecular forces (especially hydrogen bonding. Oooohhhhh there was a lot of that) and mental stoichiometry o_o

I was also meant to have dance prac today but my head weighs a hundred tonnes, so flailing around hurts a lot. Even just getting out of bed is a pain in the ass. I can't go to work tomorrow either, my boss is extreme about the whole 'swine flu' epidemic, so she'll send home anyone who's sick.

I'm scared of what he'd say, if what I say is incomplete

Miserable At Best

I'm not a loser.

Don't you ever get that feeling where you know you're due to being sick anytime soon? Like your body sends you a signal, let's say a hoarse cough for example, and your immediate instinct is, "OH NO I'M SICK. Stupid (insert name of sick friend you've recently been in contact with)."

Since the recent 'swine flu' virus has become a red-flag for health and safety, once a person grabs a tissue or leans in for a sneeze, "Swine flu" becomes your automatic new name.
Oh the deadly viruses that sweep the nation.

Currently watching: Live Aid Concert 1985
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Jamie was burning tables, safety pins and paper during study. He rigged/gased his lighter and I took my time to measure the height of the flame without burning my fingers. Lighter got confiscated and we went outside with Geraden. Left campus to light up at the oval behind the public stadium. More people kept coming and it began to crowd, so we left and we walked back on campus smelling like fried tobacco.

I'm beginning to think that rebellion is stupid when it comes to general behaviour. Is it wise to say that I'll abstinate from illicit drug use for the rest of the year, or will I mimic my abusive peers in providing empty promises?

I want to change, but I don't have a reason to.
With an apathetic woman for a mother, a swindling father, and womaniser for a brother. With friends who acknowledge the very facade, and only the facade. For if tears should seep out and flow through these human cracks of imperfection, for if vulnerability is revealed, they will be lost. "That's not you", they'll say, and they return on the hunt for your facade.

Because drugs aren't the answer, these harmful feel-goods made of poison, to poison. Because if I only had you, your dreading soul crying out to the very dark of night; our souls should cry together. We will fall back in love with our eyes red and puffed, faces smoothened; lips swollened, singing "Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?"

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I have an allergic reaction currently occuring on my left shoulder. Sorry about the unexpected mood swing, I've just decided to combine multiple entries into one :)

When You Wake And Find Me Gone...

When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part.
You roll outta bed and down on your knees,
And for the moment you can hardly breathe.
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
No he's not, 'cause he's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone...

I could listen to this song a hundred times everyday and never fail to cry
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Just thought I should blog before I went to bed, I'm pretty content with everything at the moment. My brother helped me with memorising dates and years for History, I even went to the extent of remembering birthdates and deaths. I finished revising for chemistry, my door is seriously covered in colourful sticky notes.

Chem and history exams tomorrow, methods revision after school, then meth exam on Friday. Easy breezy. And then I've got until Wednesday to study for ad. gen., so everything looks like its smooth sailing.

Despite my study efforts, I've realized that I've been distancing myself further away from my peers and my social life's beginning to deteriorate. I'm missing you so much, Old Flame.

Love, Bonez.

PS. In my opinion, the New Moon trailer is a disappointment!

Three For Three, I'll Disagree

Yes, I'm aware that I'm publishing multiple entries for this day of June 2nd, but I love blogging. Even if it's about nothing, I treat it like it's Twitter. Even though I don't have a Twitter account.
I'm aware that it's a new month and... I'm still stuck on the month of April. Don't ask me why - well, maybe it's because the previous holidays were in the month of April? When I'm writing dates on my students' notebooks or on my work at school, they'd always remind me that it's either May or June. For those who notice it anyway.

I'm not as pissed off as I seemed to be on my previous entry, I was having an extremely hard time with chemistry and the person who asked me to do his expository piece recommended that if I should complete his piece by tonight, he'd help me with chem tomorrow morning. I managed to complete his piece in 2 hours... The conclusion taking up an hour.
The piece took my mind off chemistry and I was actually enjoying the writing.

Mum walked past me a couple of minutes ago and asked what I was blogging about on the Internet. I replied, "Mood swings". She the requested that I type this up:
"Ignore her mood swings, I do."
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Maybe in five or ten, yours and mine will meet again; straighten this whole thing out. Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy. But this is the distance, and this is my gameface
Vienna by The Fray

Chem? Seriously?

Chem is a major fuck off
Blogging out of frustration, I just want to understand this, but I can't. It's only 2 days until the exam and doing the practise exam is hopeless. I've never even heard half of the words in this practise exam! I do study, don't get me wrong, but... WHAT THE FUCK?
He also wants me to do his english expository piece, fuck off! I already have so much to stress about you lazy bastard, you're in year 12 for fuck's sake. I wasn't stressed until you forced me to do your fucking piece. Take some responsibility for yourself!
FUCK ALL AYE!
I just wanna fucking drop school!
"Oooh you've got so much potential~ Don't do that~!"
OH GO FUCK YOURSELF.

"Are You Afraid Of Dying?"

She asked.
I slowly lifted my head and made contact with those firm grey eyes of hers, she meant the words that escaped her lips, for this question is one I've come prepared for.
"I'm not afraid of dying; I'm afraid of not being able to do the things I've always wanted to do, and I'm in fear of being unable to say the things I've always wanted to say."
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And I'll cry, tremble and shake in wrath as you lock me into your arms.
"I won't let go" you'd say, but oh, I will.

I Beg To Differ

Today I spent 5 hours cleaning my room, and recently have I noticed that whenever I buy a new piece of furniture for my room, I go through the routine of rearranging and cleaning my room.

For example, if I buy a D.I.Y. bookshelf or table from IKEA (and might I add, I build them myself!), I look at the place in my room I want it placed and replace whatevers there.

Building the table took me like, what?, 30-45 minutes? And the rest was simply moving furniture out of my room, rearranging everything, tidying up and getting rid of unnecessary things like old books, scraps of crap and stuff on my wall.

I get really obsessive compulsive about the order of my room, a trait of which I inherited from my mum.

Paris Is Burning by Ladyhawke

Well there's a photo to brag about my hardwork (no I'm joking) and I'm still looking for a photo to put into that frame. And the table's pink and white! :)

I did that all to make me more motivated to study, and it does actually work.

GAT Day. From year 7 to 10, I've always looked forward to GAT day because it was simply a day off for middle school. Not this year. Back to studying I am, exam week this week.