Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

I know you're always looking at me. I can feel your eyes locked on me.
You know I'm always looking down at our feet when we're so close.
I'm being sincere when I say that I wasn't looking at your "package".
You know why I look down, and not into your eyes.
Your quiet smile sends shivers down my spine.

I don't want to fall for you. Because in a month or two, this'll be over and we'll be back to the way things were.

Ten, Nine, Eight

Nothing you can do can make up for the things you've done.

Don't think I'll come back soon. Ever.

I'm gonna try something new, it's called a life.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life in love with you.

Dear Ex-boyfriends

All of you, go fuck yourselves.
From, me.

Lookin' For A Special Lady To Save Me, Maybe I'll Never Be Satisfied

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you said? "Your hair's in a rut"
Do you like someone? I like everyone
What's a word that rhymes with LUCK? Firetruck
What's your favorite planet? Planet Of The Apes
Who's the 2nd person on your missed call list? Private number
What's your ringtone on your phone right now? Default ringtone; it's some robot going "Wuba wuba, wuba wuba"
What shirt are you wearing right now? The shirt my beefs got me y'day :)
Brand of shoes you're wearing right now? Air LOL
Are you afraid of the dark? No
What do you think about the person who last took this survey? Her name reminds me of pizza
If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on? The waterbed. Definitely the waterbed
What were you doing at midnight last night? CLEANING UP AFTER MY SURPRISE PARTY
What and who did your last text message you received on your mobile say? I got a message from Jonah's mum :
When's the last time you took a shower? This afternoon
What's a word or phrase that you say a lot? Mangz, I say mangz a lot
Who told you he/she loved you last? Jon
Last furry thing you touched? Your balls
How many drugs have you done in the past 3 days? None
How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? 50 million
Favorite age you have been so far? 16 so far, even though it's been like 2 days
Hats or beanies? Both are cool, but I wouldn't wear 'em on a regular basis. And I'd prefer scarves on my head.
What is your desktop picture? David Bowie, psychedelic rock-to-glam rock transition era
What is the last thing you said to someone? Actually, I don't remember. It was over 6 hours ago
Do you love someone? Of course
Last song you listened to? Atlantis To Interzone by The Klaxons
If the last person you spoke to on the phone was getting shot at what would you do? Shit myself
Do you do the games in the ads on MySpace? No
What are your favorite Pjs? I wear 'jama pants and tees, there's nothing favourable about that
What do you do when you pass graveyards? Stare
Have you ever seen a shooting star? No
How old do you think youll live to be? 50 million; 'cause I'm totally on the hunt for the Fountain Of Youth
Song lyrics stuck in your head? "What do you know? Flashing lights lights"
Last time you told someone you loved them? Today. How strange.
Do you eat raw hot dogs? NO NEVER
How much salad dressing do you put on your salad? Depends on which dressing, I OD on Italian balsamic vinegar
What is the last thing you pulled out of your pocket and gave to someone? I pulled out some love from my pocket, and gave some love to a stranger.
______________________________________

Dax: "Well we both lost the bet, now we can do whatever we want"
Bonez: "But you weren't even trying."
Dax: "...Well, I'm still gonna keep smoking."
Bonez: "What if I told you 'brb I'm gonna shoot up some dope', you'd be cool with that?"
Dax: "Yeah, do whatever you want."
Bonez: "Cocksucker, no wonder why every girl refuses to get down witchu."

Well don't come crying for help when your life fucks over.
You've lost this best friend a million times, you'll lose her for good this time.
______________________________________

I'm so over smoking. It looks fucking yuck.

Il N'y A Pas De Verités Moyennes

"There are no half-truths."

_______________________________________

It's alright.
I don't know you.
Third letter of the alphabet.
We'll never ever talk, let alone come face to face ever again.
It's alright.

Draw These Strings Tight, Keep Yourself Inside

Today, well yesterday technically, was the awesomest day.
I love my friends and family. I could never ask for better, beautiful people. 'Cause they're the package. The word perfect would be an understatement.
I love you, love you, love you!

I seem like I'm smothering you in love, but you know me, I never say things like this. So you'd better believe it, I mean every word.
_______________________________

I've been asked if this blog was sincerely written by yours truly.
And to answer; yes, 100%
_______________________________

A person has never been stuck in my head for this long.
24 hours a day, 7 days a week for a year - plus.

Be My Friend. Hold Me, Wrap Me Up.

Unfold me, I am small.
I'm needy, warm me up.
And breathe me.
Breathe Me by Sia

Today was the longest day, but I loved it. I didn't go to school today (as planned), however, I ruined the surprise party my friends threw for Anthony and I by not attending. I feel ultra guilty, I'll buy a cake and bring it in on Monday just to make up for it :)
Instead of going to school, mum took my brother and I out for lunch at La Porchetta in Watergardens. We ate so much. I did nothing but eat food the whole day. If I were to eat one more bite, I would seriously vomit.
I saw Matthew and caught up with him for a while; spent $44.25 on rings, and $29.95 on shoes that look like uwabakies. And mum bought me nice boots for winter.
We stayed at Watergardens for a tiring 3 hours.
We went home and I opened my laptop, I messaged Let to ask if we had training and she messaged back with the details.
I had a few minutes to get ready and I waited in the car. My aunty came by and started singing 'Happy Birthday' and I went out to greet her. I had my back turned when my best friend ran in, and seriously, we screamed for ages.
We ate cake and had cola.
After that, went to practice and sweated my bawlz off. It was break time and we all went in to bless the food, but I didn't stay to eat. I went outside and practiced some more. Tyrone creeped out to see what I was up to and he realised that I was practicing his choreography. He almost cried, "You're so inspiring, seriously. You're the only one taking dance seriously." and that almost made me cry.
So we ran through the dance for a while and everyone came out to join us. After that, Monique pulls me away from the group to D&M with me. Everyone leaves.
After a few minutes, Let comes into the conversation and tells Monique and I to come inside. I follow her, while in a chokehold.
As we walk in the door, I see cake, pastizzi and nachos on the table and everyone with massive smiles on their faces. They start singing 'Happy Birthday'
"Your mum organized this for you. She rang me 5 minutes ago." Let told me, I tried not to cry.

Tyrone drove Let, Kess, Trish and I home.

I love you guys. I love you mum. Thank you for everything.
Special mention to Sarahdonuts. ;)
______________________________________

Dear March,
It's the second year you've done this to me.
You're pathetic. We're both pathetic.

Why bother being friends if you're not gonna try?

Bonez.

Happy Birthday

Let go,
Please.

"I Don't Love You Anymore," Is All I Remember You Telling Me

Never have I felt so cold
But I've no more blood to bleed
'Cause my heart has been draining into the sea
Ohhh...
Blood To Bleed by Rise Against

Friday: Possibly dodge school for the sake of not having to receive birthday greetings. I'll just email my teachers for work to catch up on. It's seriously the worst reason to be absent from school. Then at night, dance training at Arv's.
Saturday: Work.
Sunday: Taking myself out to the NGV (National Gallery of Victoria) and crepes on the lawn outside the State Library. There's a high chance of me watching a movie at Crown. I've got three options: Watchmen, Notorious or 12 Rounds. Whichever one appeals. I'll be in the city from 1pm until late, I have to walk to Docklands to have dinner with my mum and brother.

Dinner for three, I'm excited.

Quote Of The Day

Mum: "You're a sucks!"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

God Save The Queen

V For Vendetta, I love the movie.
I'd prefer to be alone these days.
Blood To Bleed by Rise Against

__________________________________

So after school, I went to St Albans to get my eyebrows done. So I wait for a few minutes for the lady to get ready and she's like, "Ok, you can come in now."

So usual routine, I lay down on the chair-bed thing and close my eyes. My feet are in an awkward position because I have really chunky school shoes on and my ankles are sinking. It takes me 3 minutes to configure comfort and the lady just looks at me. In the end, I'm bending my knees and leaning them up against the wall. Did I mention that I get a little claustrophobic in that room? It's the size of a toilet cubicle.

Standard procedure is: heat up wax, put towel on neck, and put headband on so my hair won't get into the wax. She does the first two, though forgetting the headband. So I assume, "Oh ok, whatever. She's prob pro at this anyway."

Worst mistake ever, I should've asked her for the headband. I got half of my fringe drenched with wax. OMFG. And she gets wax on my eyelashes. I WAS IN PAIN. And when I get home, I run my fingers through my hair and my hand stops halfway. It felt like there was a traffic jam in my hair, so I just kept tugging.
I try to feel for it, and I find a block of dried up wax in my hair. "LIKEHOWTHEFUCKDIDTHATGETTHERE?!"

But enough of that; I'm gonna go now, paint my nails a nice blue, listen to the best of Nine Inch Nails and continue reading Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell.

You Let Me Desecrate You

The ad gen maths test was harder than cow balls man. Thank lamb-shanks it's over.

My mum might be pregnant again. She kept asking me questions like, "What would you do if we had another baby?" or "If your dad and I had another baby, would you take care of it?"
I'd always reply with a "Lazy cow, who else would you get jiggy with?" or "I'll take care of it only if you let me name it Gandhi."
Mum's been really open about everything in the past few months, she confessed that she was unable to "get her freak on" when I was younger because there was an incident when my parents were making sweet, sweet love and I walked into the dark room asking, "Mum, dad, what are you doing?" and I crawled into space in between them, unaware of my disruption.
I'm just worried her body'll be incapable of carrying another child, she's almost 50.

I find it funny when my parents say 'sex' 'cause the whole room goes silent and awkward. They always refer to it as 'going to bed together'. And when they'd say 'sex', which might I add is on ultra rare occasions, they'd pronounce it as 'seckz'.
I've had to leave the room to laugh.

It's like primary school. When you first learn about sex ed and your teacher says 'penis' for the first time, the whole class goes crazy.

My birthday celebration's cancelled due to being misinformed about my chosen location. New laws state that if you plan on hosting a party at a public park of more than 15 people, you'd need to register with the police a few weeks/a month prior to the day. It's too late now, it's in 3 days and we'll be fined $5000 if underage drinkers are caught.

The worst is over now, and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.

Apathetic

I simply don't give a fuck.

It's true, it's the worst attitude. They say you shouldn't give up when the going gets tough, and I rarely do. But this time, fuck it.
Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.
I'll overuse the fourth most disturbing word I know.
What've I got to lose except everything? Nothing.

I'm so tired, I hate the seizures and panic attacks.
I hate school, I'm so tired. I'm tired of the same everyday routine.
I should go to sleep and never wake up.
No more pounding headaches, no more strife or feeling.
No more lack of appetite, no more shitty feeling.
No more idleness, no more fatigue.
Dsythmia, get the fuck outta my body you fucking fuck.

I Swum Across, I Jumped Across For You

Currently blogging on the bus on my way to deb practice via iPhone (ok, that made me a potential target). I'm just gonna run down some things from today 'cause I can tell you all are so damn eager to know.

Alarm woke me up this morning while it was still dark, I thought my phone was playing tricks on me so I considered the possibility of daylight savings. So I closed my eyes for what felt like 3 minutes, until a phonecall woke me up again. The 3 minutes turned out to be 25 minutes and I forgot to attend to the call.

I was late to homegroup (as per usual) and yesterday was the only day I had ever arrived to school early...er than usual. Had history for my first period and we watched A Time To Kill. Left history early to catch the bus to my IT 3/4 class up in Melton. We didn't do as much, we played around with Office Communicator (alike MSN, but for school) and discussed our upcoming outcome on VT (virtual teams). We video called some guy from China on my teacher's laptop, pretty funny shit.

Left class early again to go back to campus, and I had chem. I think I've lost my books. It's a shame. After, I left class early again and now I'm on my way to Melton.

Tonight I've gotta finish the rest of my expository essay and cram for my ad gen maths test tomorrow. Boring blog for today. Ciao I've reached Melton.

This Is Our Ungodly Hour

...And then you suddenly realize you're chasing after the person who least wants to be by your side.

I steal clothes from my mother's dresser.
I wear her maternity dresses, her ponchos, coats and bags.
She buys me soft, stuffed animal toys and on the gift tag she writes messages like "I'll love you forever!" or "I promise you we will pull through this." and leaves it in secret corners of my room.
She cries with me even though she has no clue as to why.
She ties bracelets on my wrist and anklets on my ankle when I'm asleep.
We buy each other flowers every month.
She gets scared and cries when I have a seizure.
She doesn't know that I love her more the world.

Cupid Don't Fuck With Me

My heart skipped 20 beats today.
I hate that.

Never Settle For Second Best

So this is why I've posted my third blog for the day.

No one can have everything they want.
You can be rich and wipe your ass with money, but not even they have everything they want.
Don't ask me, "What do you want or where do you want to go?"
I usually am prepared with an answer for those questions 'cause I know if I asked someone that question, I'd want them to have an answer too. None of that "I don't know, you choose." bullshit answer.
So if I give them my answer, they'd think about it and ask for a second alternative, or third. They'd tell you "No, that's too far." or "That's too expensive." or "This is nicer."
They'd start giving you their own ideas, and you refuse them.
They'll be fed up, and you'll be fed up.
They'll say, "Then what do you want?!"
Well I've already told you what I wanted, and we go back to the beginning of the conversation.
And in the end, you've ended up with the least appetizing alternative. You try hard not to complain, and you don't.
You've just got to make do with what you have.

Why should I listen to love songs if I'm not in love? Or why should I have to put up with hearing songs about losing if I haven't lost anything?Do people really listen to songs for it's message and meaning? I know if someone asks you "Why do you listen to music? Is it for it's tune or message?" usually they'd say that there isn't a right or wrong answer but everyone knows the 'message' is the right answer.
I listen to music for it's beat, it's tune and rhythm. I listen to music for the sounds that make me feel, that make me feel and forget my surroundings. Music that zones me out and concentrates me to little things such as the pattern of fences running along the busy neighbourhood, or the way the telephone lines droop, or even how the sidewalk grass transitions from dead, to green, to dead.

I don't buy something unless it catches my eye. If I have a problem choosing something, I lay the objects or preferences in front of me. I then close my eyes, open them and choose the first thing that catches my attention.

Single-serving friends.
People who you meet on planes or trains or buses; you chat to them about the weather or the current issues, the time comes when you have to part, you both say "I'll see you soon!" even though you know it's never going to happen.

Love; exaggerated and commercialized. Over-rated and afar from my liking, why the fuck do you force me to say it if I don't mean it at all?
Dreams; come from the subconscious, either making you see things you want to see in your sleep, terrorize you, or confuse the fuck out of you.

I don't give a fuck if I'm going against the world. What have I got to lose?

Blog-On-The-Run

What's a synonym for imperfect? Human.

Stop insisting on talking about something I obviously don't want to discuss. :@

Wanna Get You Something From The Heart...

It's my dick in a box!


Woke up dreaming at 9am this morning; just as I'm about to get out of bed and head for the shower, mum beats me to it. "I'll be 5 minutes love!" she cries,
"Oh for fuck's sake, I have work woman!" I callously reply.

Rocked up to work 15 minutes late but my boss never cares, even if I rock up 45 minutes late. But it's not good practice for punctuality right?

If punctuality were a subject, I'd fail and never succeed at it.

After work, I walked over to Cairnlea Shopping Centre.
I'm there like three times a week.
I have $1.90 in my wallet and I'm 30c short of buying a sushi handroll. I have my ATM card, but there aren't any ANZ ATMs at that shopping centre. If you're not getting my drift, it means that if you cash-out with a diff ATM, you're charged $2.

$2 is a lot of money.

I decided to buy Vogue magazine and Tattoo magazine, both $7.95 each. I don't know why I bought them, I had Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell in my bag to read. I guess it's been a long time since I've bought any magazines. I buy those magazines 'cause they don't have any of that 'boyfriend' gag or 'how-to flirting' techniques in their magazines.

I end up waiting half an hour for my parents to pick me up, and my knees ache from dancing the night before.

My parents take me to Harvey Norman at 3pm, and we end up leaving the place - being the last customers there - at 5pm. They bought me a laptop, it's nice, small and simple :)
It's Compaq aha.

Then went to Thea's house to drop off a calculator, went home to install everything onto my computer, and distributed party itinerary.

I chilled with my brother a bit;
Flicking through the channels, trying to watch all these movies at once. Home Alone, Tomb Raider, Pirates Of The Carribean... And then we just sat back, played around with the webcam and watched 'Dick In A Box' on YouTube.

I don't know who actually reads this, or who gets along this far in my blogs.

I'm losing things, my interest in music is dying along with my feelings. Anything with references to love or losing just puts me off. I'm sorry, I don't know why.

Nineteen Eighty-Four is a good book so far, the first few starting chapters just go on about descriptions about the surroundings and such. But that's necessary? It's about rebelling against the totalitarian world in which this guy live in, where there's this all-seeing, all-knowing 'Big Brother'. It's where the phrase 'Big Brother' originated from. You know? That TV show?

I'd better go, my laptop's sweating.

"Crushing your pillow won't get you any closer to him."

Words Exploding Just Like Poems, Carve Them in Stone

I'm in pain.
I'm in pain.
I'm in pain.
I'm in pain.
I'm in pain.

On every fairy I catch, gloating in the wind, I wish on each and every key: "I wish you'd try."
Strings by The Getaway Plan

Can You Hear? The Crowd Is Calling, "Hey, Sing Louder Now."

I had another dream last night,
But this time it was about you.

You stayed over at my house; I was pretending to be asleep when you arrived so I wouldn't have to talk to you. You stayed in the guest room that night.
I woke up in the morning and had a shower, I forgot my towel so mum handed me one. She left the door open and I saw you entering the other bathroom. You were talking to my brother about which toothbrush to use; I didn't see your face properly. I didn't want to. My heart was sinking.

My parents were aware of the situation. But they did nothing but stand on my side.

We were all on our way to your best friend's party; my whole family including you. You, my father and my brother took the other car and left early for that party whilst I wanted to take my time. I wanted to stay distant. Mum decided to stay with me, to keep me company. Mum and I finally arrived at the party that night and you were sitting on a chair in between our friends. I greeted them all with a kiss, though nothing came beyond a stare when it came to greeting you.

It felt as though we were awkward, that we were avoiding each other.
That'll happen most likely in real life.

Those Eyes, You've Got Me Hypnotised

I had a dream last night;
We were with our friends and he sat next to me on a piano chair. He left the seat and sat behind me, back-to-back. He started nudging me softly at first, however his nudges gained strength with each passing nudge. I turned around and he grabbed my hand, refusing to let it go for the rest of the dream. We stayed together like we were Kat and Tomek, unable to keep our hands off each other. We were so close, falling deeper and deeper with each passing second. My consciousness made a wish, "I wish this was real." And I woke up.
The first person I thought of was you.
Not the person in my dream; you.

And that when I realized, "Shit, I miss you."

Vindicated; I Am Selfish, I Am Wrong.

Late March, 2008. I remember singing 'So Long Sweet Summer'.
Did you know it was you I meant?

School is stressing. I want to be successful without the effort, but what would be the point of that? Being 'pro-active' sounds like the worst thing to be as idleness cradles my body; indoctrinating me with thoughts of procrastination.
But not only is it regarding the hourly pile of homework being thrown at me, it's the people at school. The fucked up minds and taunts towards each other. That's never going to get you anywhere good. Cliques and groups, the bitching, the hating and the dissing is tiring enough just hearing about it. High-school only adds to the drama; but it isn't always bad.

Had deb practice today; Rocky and I are doing well. Just need to work on timing and we're pro. Learnt the foxtrot and the sharmaine; that's two down, three more to go.

What's the point of being with someone if it's not you?
I'm tired, I want to be alone.

The Red Jane Show

Catch 'The Red Jane Show' on Australia's Got Talent! Wednesdays, 7:30pm on Channel 7
Just a couple of friends of mine who play in a band ;)

TIMMY - THE RED JANE SHOW/SNAP says:
was lunch boring today :P
(L) ginx, TGI Friday says:
heeeeeeeeeeey
YES.
compared to yesterday's
lolllll
TIMMY - THE RED JANE SHOW/SNAP says:
haha why what was yesterday?
:P
describe it..
(L) ginx, TGI Friday says:
oh nothing much... just this REALLY AWESOME BAND PLAYED AT MY SCHOOL and blew our brains out
LOL
TIMMY - THE RED JANE SHOW/SNAP says:
:P

Slow Night, So Long

Dear Mrs. Lock,
Surprise SACs are not funny.
Well, it wasn't much of a surprise. The sub we had when you were away told us that we were going to have a SAC on Thursday (this was on a Tuesday) about research something. And we've already done our research assignments so I assumed it was that. Maybe I just misunderstood but that's not my point. I don't like surprise SACs!
Love, Bonez.

I walked to Maccas after school and mum picked me up from there. I got into the car and a pile of CDs were lying on the front seat.

"Oh, what's this?" I asked,

"I bought you a couple of CDs; Kings Of Leon and Sade."

I don't remember squealing that loud in a while. Mum got me one of Kings Of Leon's older albums, Aha Shake Heartbreak. I love my mum, I love Kings Of Leon. And my dad is currently battling bidders on eBay to get last minute tix to Kings Of Leon for this Friday. We've already lost 2 other bids. The Fray is also sold out, and I am so going crazy on the Ticketek website when the MUSE tickets are beginning to sell.

IT 3/4 SAC tomorrow.
Ad. Gen tomorrow.
Methods tomorrow.

I'm getting tired of school.

I'd Rather Be A Mystery Than He Desert Me, Oh I'm Never Speaking Up Again

The joke's on me.
I have a splinter on my left rude finger, on the back of both of my thighs and my left calf.
I pushed the splinter the other way, and now it's gone deeper.
2 SACs in one day, this Tuesday. My 5 week IT App. (3/4) SAC and Chem SAC.

Rocky is a good dance partner.

I feel like a man when I wear my school pants.

It is 11:15pm but my computer's time says 11:00pm. Which would you believe?

I caught up with Tanith today.

Catching up with old primary school friends is nice.

I don't like awkward, but I like awkward turtles.

I love my girls.

I have work tomorrow. Work is tedious to think about.

I ate nothing but McDonalds and various other take-outs for 6 days straight.

My ex-boyfriend is giving me mixed messages, should I confront him to stop?

What does true love look like?

My parents are taking me to Sydney's Mardi Gras next year.

I bidded for 2x Kings Of Leon tickets through my dad's eBay account and I don't know if we won. He tells me to check his eBay account, but I need his password and he won't tell me his password. What's up with that?

I promised myself I would get off the computer 2 hours ago.

Why am I still here?

I should computer abstinate for a week, but why would I want to do that?

I don't think anyone read this far into my blog.

I wouldn't mind being your girl. Only if you'd let me.

Oh woops, I let a tid-bit of vulnerability slip outta me.

I like these K-Mart cookies, I got sick of 'em after 4 bites.

She's So Perfect, She's So Beautiful, She's So Talented

She's not me.

________________________________________________

L,
Don't let your boyfriend play you.
Don't let your boyfriend call other girls hot, you should be the only one in his eyes.
Don't tolerate the hurtful jokes your boyfriend tells you.
Let him know that you aren't his bitch.
Every girl deserves more.

I Get Knocked Down, But I Get Up Again

I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear
You are someone else, I am still right here

What have I become? My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes away in the end

You could have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt
If I could start again, a million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way

- Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

________________________________

Lennox, I take these words from you:
dead lost found confused tortured depressed soulless down and out hopeful useless douche tool not allowed rejected isolated fetal position anger torn open torn out insensitive desensitised hollow heartless ripped jacked lofted fallen crashed splashed splat crushed demoralised yelling caged out open enraged blues intervened used pointless nobody loner blackened burned brittle fragile emptied scrunched thrown trapped loneliness annoyed ignored island alternate route hair scratching baffled kerfufulled disrupted dislocation disturbance altercation bankrupted captive interference ruined smashed bombed banged up demolished cast down dejected downhearted dispirited dismayed gloomy grim lowered low-spirited pressed down sour dark grey dreary forbidding girsly gruesome sick crazy demented disarranged fed up ill distant

We don't realise that we write these cryptic messages so that perhaps one day, someone may be unable to figure us out. To understand.

Eclipse

March 6th truly was the longest day of my life.
Happy 16th anniversary to my parents
And thanks to the girls for the night out.
Sorry to Jon for being unable to come last night
And thank you to dad for coming home tonight.

Ride On, Ride Till Early Morning Sun

"I'm running from the city lights, I'm running from this empty life.
I'm running out of time tonight, I'm screaming out for "Help! Help!""

I tighten my grip. I tighten it so tight that my palms being to break skin, bleed. I think of the days when it was me, I'm so selfish and I want to smack myself out of it. I am the estranged once-been and it's killing me.

I've been unlucky for the past 354 days.
I wish you knew. Everyday.

Your Skin, Oh Yeah Your Skin And Bones

I can't believe I'm missing out on the Coldplay concert.

I've noticed your design 'cause I'm not blind.
I'm like a cigarette; burning, burning every night but there's no ash that falls.
There's only telephone calls in the afternoon, stretching through a thousand walls.
So I'll pray for words to say, to make these miles disappear.

Woke up at 7:28am, showered, got dressed. Ate shortbread for breakfast, my legs are ugly, I thought. Put on some knee-hi socks and mum drove me all the way in Melton for IT 3/4.

I love the country and although it's secluded, it's peaceful. Maybe if I live here, no one will know my name. I would love to live in anonymity. I'm a very awkward person. Moody. Alone.

I would like to know what it feels like to be happy again.
3 more days, and a year is up.

I Caught Fire

I'm fine, I'm ok. I swear.
I think it'd be more convenient if we didn't know each other at all. Being friends with you is like adding oxygenated flame to my freshly-skinned torso. Burning my flesh. See you never.

March 6th will be the longest day of my life.

So Muddy And Absurd

"I think I'll move out of state, somewhere far from Seattle's city lights, they burn my eyes"

You care more for avoiding conformity, to be more unique. You care about yourself more than the feelings of other people that you've hurt and destroyed; broken relationships that are becoming more and more impossible to mend as your days of ignorance pass by. You say 'Stuff "Ignorance is bliss"', you selfish hypocrite. Status is everything to you, and alike my parents, you make me sick.

"California sounds nice, but California's a lie."

I hate you, you're the only person. I've. Ever. Really. Liked.
And I feel violated, abused. I've got no heart, it's small. It's not where it should be. It's glued to the soles of your feet and I can feel you stamping on it, unintentionally beating it to the pulp, every step you take. And the worst part about it is, you don't even know it.