Impervious-2-U

"I've packed my bags, I'm leaving and I've got no idea where."

As quoted, yes I am leaving - for the week. Up to Mt. Hotham for some ski/snowboarding experience. I wish I could stay longer than just a week, I would stay there forever - just to escape from suburban life and all my memories based down here. I'm desperate for a new start. It's too bad I can't stay too long though, it's $140 a night and I'm not willing to pay more than $900 (incl. gear rent). It's ridiculous, but fairly priced, I guess. People have got to realise that not everyone can earn a decent amount of money, especially at my age. At my age, what you'd earn from work would be considered pocket money - my parents make me live on my own money, even paying for my own trip. The least you can do is be reasonable, consider my age. I'm not independent, not yet.

Escape? Such cowardice I bear. I never learn, do I?

I've been a little resistant of late, hense the title 'Impervious-2-U'. Resistant in more ways than one. Resistive, impossible behaviour - it's all coming back to me. I thought I'd left those habits behind with the past, but they keep catching up to me in present times. Just like memories.

They aren't the only things I've been recalling though. I've recalled my passion for art, the willingness I displace into my graphite pencil as I move my hand - my arm - across the smooth sheet of glowing paper. Colour. Colour, I've been using colour. I've never used colour this way before, everything I used to draw was in shades of black and white - but not anymore. Sculptures, my hand engraves strength and meaningful texture onto the clay, shaping the perfect roughness of the man's forehead and bearded chin. I could go on about how I've regained my fervour for art. I've never had this much emotion to create such amazing pieces - I guess being emotional does have its advantages.

Back to the Resistáns (Swedish), my inconsiderate behaviour has been surfacing after time has buried it so deep down under. I resist against resistance, fighting fire with fire. But it seems almost impossible. I'm resisting against love, I can't fall again. I've realised - after the countless times my mother, quotes, movies, music, friends have told me - time heals all. It's undeniable. Love, relationships, anything strong emotioned - it's like alcohol. Nothing can lower the alcohol level in your blood, nothing but time. Eating more bread or nibbles won't make you sober, drinking water doesn't do any good. You've got to let time get it out of your system. Just like love.

I can't do anything now, my heart's trying to strangle itself discreetly. But I know what it's doing. So all I've got to do - and all I can do - is just be patient and let time pass. That's how I see it. This trip to Mt. Hotham will be good for me, I can only pray.

Patience, that's all it takes.
Gosh, I can't wait to be sober.