Post-drunk, really.
Breathing, though not breathing. My lungs worked so hard to consume as much air as I could, but I couldn't. Anxiety attacks, my hand clutching my chest. She held onto me so tightly, her words blurred. Tears drowning my face, I was feeling hot. It was your face I saw in the stars, in the night sky. The attack grew stronger.
I called out your name, my heart taking the hit with each call. Thud. Thud. Thud.
I called out for my mum, this was getting out of hand. I reassured her that calling my mum would be fine. Each letter paused with a pant. I couldn't speak.
"It's... Ok... She... Kn...Ows"
My mum knows. My mum knows everything. She'll love me no matter what, that's the only thing I believed about her.
She came and reached her arms out to me, my attack stopped.
Relief overcame me, and I could breathe.
I haven't cried like that in a while, see how much I miss you?
You're not worth it, they tell me. Is it really true?
I need to get a grip.
If only you knew how much I wanted to tell you "Stay." that day.
1 comment:
Gosh daughter, everything you write is so .. deep.
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