MSTRKRFT

"All I do is party, hah hah hah hah!"
Bounce (Feat. NORE) - MSTRKRFT

I miss my missus. I miss him a lot.
TODAY I GOT MY HAND STUCK IN A COOKIE VENDING MACHINE IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE AD GEN CLASS. My cookie got stuck halfway, and I didn't pay $2 for nothing. I really wanted my cookie. :@ After 5 minutes of abusing the vending machine and friends who couldn't help because they were laughing at me, my teacher came out of the classroom with a metal ruler and saved my stomach and wallet. Oh bless her.

That absolutely made my week. That and the message I got at 2 this morning :) Now that I've gotten that history essay off my back, I'M FREE-FLYIN' BITCHIZ.
I'M GOING TO HAVE A CAT-NAP LADIES. CIZZAO-IZZLEFAY.

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Parklife 2009! Oh, the 18+ entry isn't gonna stop me from going!

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I fall deeper and deeper everyday.

Vanilla Twilight

Ill-worthy. Paranoid. Unconventional.

Nostalgic. Pensive. Depressive.

Wistful. Self-conscious. Weak.

I feel safer by your side? Again, I feel like the Earth could swallow me whole and the world wouldn't mind. The people wouldn't mind. Those I love wouldn't mind. Because after all, it is me we're talking about.

And to awake jubilant, and to routinely feel like shit every night... A factor of mine which I find impossible to alter. I can't help but hear whispers at the back of my head. The back-stabbing mumurs speaking of my name, with my name, on my name. Sticks and stones will break my bones, and words will definitely hurt me. There goes my weakness. There goes my self-esteem... Flailing around in the tongues of people.

I will never be able to trust; my secrets told, fondled with.
My secrets raped, abused.

"The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lay awake and miss you."

____________________________________________

I hate these nights. I can only pray that he'll never find out about this.

If We Could Party All Night, And Sleep All Day.

“Mum, my throat feels like shit. Like, really shit”
“Yeah, don’t worry. It’ll only last the morning. Maybe you smoke too much :P”
“Whatever! You smoke too much!”
We both laugh, unaware.

I’m currently in ITA again, sitting and watching time fly by. It’s 9:23am and I have an hour and 7 minutes left to kill. We’re doing a practice SAC at the moment, but it seems like I don’t have to do anything at all. The whole practice SAC has been done for us.

OMG WTHECK, some guy across the room is Google-ing whaling and all I can see are horrid photographs of dead whales.

I’m actually excited for year 12 next year ever since I cut chemistry from my subject list. It’s approximately an odd 14-15 months until school is over! Last Thursday, I approached mum with my subject selection form and the first thing she said was “Why’re you doing chemistry? I thought you hated it.” And in fact, I do. “I really bloody do.” I told her, “Why don’t you change it then? To literature, I love literature.”
I really wanted to bear-hug her right there and then.

“Hey mum, the red cardigan looks really nice.”
“Yeah, hope you don’t mind, it’s yours!”
And that’s what I get for borrowing her clothes.

"If we could party all night and sleep all day, and throw all of our problems away, my life would be eeeaaasssyyy!"

Valentine

It's been two days. Should I be worried?

I really wanna hit Kevin in the head for saying the history essay's due tomorrow. I'm honestly over school at the moment. HOLIDAYS, OH GLORIOUS HOLIDAYS. Come to me. Or weekends, they come just as close. I've personally just had a 5 day weekend and I reaaaaaally want the holidays back.

OH MY CRAP, I never would've thought that I'd ever see a keytar.

The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room

Please watch this. This video is both painfully hilarious and romantic.
The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room by Flight Of The Conchords.

"I really wanted to serenade you this song but...
I don't know how to tune a guitar."

Saturday:
Woke up at 8:10am. Got ready for work. Reached work at 11am.
Left work early at 12pm and headed for Ginifer station. Caught the 12:30 train with Let, Kevs, Treston, Chantel and Rainer.
Walked around MC and city. Ate food. Tram'd to MMA to pick up their VHC tickets. Went back to MC. Waited for Cindy to arrive. After, they all left to go back to MMA whilst I stayed behind at MC to wait for Michael.
While waiting, I went shopping for a skirt and felt nauseous the whole time. I ended up waiting 2.5 hours for him under the Clock. Shhhh, don't tell him though.
He caught me reading Catcher In The Rye and I copped shit for it. (In an imitating deep voice) "Oh that's sucha shit booooook" Shadap ya slaaarrrrttttt.
We walked towards Fed Square and we ended up chilling at the grassy, angular hill between Fed Square and the Ferris Wheel.
We laughed like no tomorrow. "Daaaaaannnngggg baaaaaannnngggg".
Talked like no tomorrow. "Wanna see my nigga-walk?".
Had fun like no tomorrow. "Ka-doosh" (I copped a punch to the head several times).
Mum called (4pm) and expected me to be back by 5pm to get ready for Cherz's 17th that night. Michael walked me to Flinders Station and we ran into Lee.
"Hey man, wait with us. Actually, wait, don't."
I got to Watergay's station and dad picked me up. 5pm.
Got ready for Cherz's. Drove to Yen's house and picked her up.
We drove to Cherz's, Point Cook's a long way away. We got to her house, 7pm?
Saw Michael again. "Long time, no see stranger."
Kb'd (kick-back'd) with everyone else with music.
He tried to serenade me with the guitar. Fail, it was out of tune. So when the Backstreet Boys' songs came on, he got up and did his boy-band thang. And when Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing came on... (omgdies). He actually sang.
"Not bad, not bad. AMATEUR."
"Shut up bitch. It wasn't for you. It was for my boy Long..."
Ceebs going into further detail :)

Sunday:
I couldn't sleep the whole night.
Woke up to go church. I enjoyed it. No lie.
Had lunch at Hog's Breath with family and relatives. (My family and extended family aren't that big. There were like 7 of us altogether)
Walked around Watergay's with the family.
Got home. That was my day in a nutshell.

___________________________________________

"I can't believe I'm sharing a kebab with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. With a kebab. Ooohhhhhhh"

Untitled

I am like the wife, who cannot reach her husband.
I am like the infant, who himself cannot feed.
I am like the guilty, praying for a chance.
I am like the stray dog, searching for a home.
I am like the homeless man, looking for the heart in people.
I am crying, because I am lonely.

God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You

"Your love is like a river, peaceful and deep
Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep.

When I look into your eyes, I know that it's true...
God must have spent a little more time on you..."

I panic in situations which require me to keep calm, and I'm placid in situations where panicking seems like the only thing to do.

It feels like 11:30, but it's only 9:48pm. Michael's sick at the moment, and I'm trying to keep him at home tomorrow so it needn't to worsen. Our plans for tomorrow can be rescheduled for some other day right? Oh boo, I was looking forward to it as well.

That's one thing about him: he always keeps me on my toes. There's always something about him that'll concern me and make me worry. Even when we weren't together yet, I'd always message to apologise for making him walk in the rain, or to check if he got home safely. I don't know if that's a normal thing to do? Or if that's accounted to as 'clingy'?

"You really care that much for me don't you?" Yeah I do, I really bloody do.

I originally had plans to attend 3 parties tomorrow. But I don't feel like attending any at all, I feel like staying the night in.

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"And once again the world turns it back, emotion's shown through the snarls of its teeth - thirsting to rip through the flesh of the young." - Bonez.

Destroying Puppet Strings To Our Souls

Third blog.
I'm paranoid, it's almost as if the whole world's against me.

Don't Fool Yourself.

Second blog for the day, just to express my concerns and bad mood.
Firstly, I would like to address: Conformity.
Sure, conformity's not all that bad, but if you have your own fuckin' creative idea, stick with it rather than being magnetised to the rules. I did this, and despite being stubborn, they've forced me to constantly change and change until the outcome reached 'plausible' - resulting to an unsatisfied 'me' in the end. And if you oppose an idea, don't fuckin' ignore it, acknowledge it as well as standing firm to your own. Stupid slut.

We learnt this shit at bloody leadership training in Sydney.

And dude, you're fuckin' whipped. Sorry to say, people are giving you shit 'cause you're too nice. Man up, brother.

Oh I'll Muster Every Ounce Of Confidence I Have

I'm still ill with a viral infection, so I'm confined in my own jail of a room until further notice. I finished reading Tim Winton's 'Breath' yesterday, and later tonight I'm starting J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher In The Rye'. I'm dwelling inbetween sleep and consciousness while texting Michael. Oh how I wish I wasn't sick.

Oh dear, I had to close my eyes while listening to this video 'cause this guy's hair just makes me crack up so much. He's so good... But he's got helmet hair!
Someone on YouTube called him Rock Lee.
Oh myyyyyyyyyyy... I'm out of breath.

We Match by Gabe Bondoc, I immediately fell in love with this song.

And for this video... I can't exactly explain how beautiful it is.
Watch it, and I'll bet you'll understand.

Spirit Of The Stairway

I've fallen ill so I'm spending the rest of the week at home until Saturday. I'm currently finishing Tim Winton's 'Breath' while listening to Richard Walters' music. It's a beautiful day, we both miss spending time already.

Praise And Worship

I miss the Sydney Conference.

Woke up today and gave my snooze button a good workout. Showered, breakfast, ran late - the usual. Skipped morning homegroup and ran straight to spares after signing into reception. Receptionists don't give two sh*ts about punctuality. (However, most of my current reports have pinpointed concern for my punctuality and recurring absences) 2/3rds of the day were bludge and I finally had English with a new teacher. He's the bombdiggity, honestly. The phone stunt he pulled on a student today during english made me say "Ok, now I've seen everything". So much respect gained in less than 10 minutes of meeting him.

Skipped afternoon homegroup and walked to Maccas where mum picked me up. Drove to the train station. Train'd it to Melbourne Central. Met Michael at the foodcourt, along with Long, Lee, Peter, Joana and another guy. We both left to go to the library.

Michael: "So... What's that important thing you had to pick-up?"

Bonez: "A library card."

Michael: (snickers in disbelief)

Bonez: "Hey shoosh! It's the new fad now, the trendy must-have for this season: library cards."

Honestly, I collect library cards like I collect Pokemon cards.

We walked anywhere and everywhere.

Bonez: "...Stop it!"

Michael: "Stop whaaat? I'm not even saying anything funny, dickhead!"

Bonez: "You make me laugh too much. Ok, just don't saying anything and I won't laugh"

Michael: (silence)

Bonez: "...Mmmphhahahaha!"

Michael: "See, that's what I mean! Inevitable!"

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Michael: "Anywhere you wanna go in particular?"

Bonez: "Well, a dark alley or... A dark alley."

_____________________________________

Bonez: "Uh-oh, rape hour's coming up. Think I should head home now."

We ended up crashing at the Gloria Jean's in Borders. LOL

If I tell you a secret, will you keep it?

I'm planning to get him a vinyl record of The Strokes. Shhhhh kay? :)

Song of the day: Blackbird - The Beatles

When Push Comes To Shove

Because we feel our youth slipping away from us, unaware of it, yet feeling the disconnection. What is 'youth' exactly? Is it a generalising term used to describe the space of age ranging from 14 to 19? Or is it a state of mind; both character and behaviour? Is 'youth' the key to excitement and good times?

If so, then what does that make maturity?
Why do many elders dream of the Fountain Of Youth?

Is maturity an entry point into adulthood? Is maturity used to describe privileges, responsibility and experience? Or alike youth, is maturity a state of mind or is it physical? Is maturity the tedious, monotonous stage we enter as we progress in life, increasing age by one as years pass by? Could it be possible for a 15 year old girl to be more mature then a woman who's 35 years of age if maturity was based psychologically?

Maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe I'm immature.
I'm an adolescent, young and unsatisfied.

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Since 5pm, I've been meaning to do my history essay draft which is due this Tuesday. It's currently 9:42pm, and I'm hitting myself for putting it off. I could've finished it by now, but I'm here instead, blogging. I honestly will start it after writing this out, however a big part of me really wants to procrastinate.

I only have one class tomorrow, English, for an hour and forty minutes. The last period of the day; I made a promise to skip school every second Monday, but I know I shouldn't. My parents don't pay for me to skip school; at least I'm aware I have a conscience. Sometimes I don't know why I bother anymore. Somedays, I feel the electric urge to callously throw away everything I've worked extremely hard for, just for a piece of mind. Just for a break. Just to, for once, close my eyes and breathe.

I've decided to go to english tomorrow, and skip afternoon homegroup 'cause I need to catch the earliest train I can. I've decided to meet Michael in the city. I really do miss him.

I should organise myself better. I need massive self improvement. I need to eradicate the apathetic behaviour, lethargy and tediousness.
But... I'm all talk and no action.

It Would Never Be Enough

Smitten factor: 150%

It was lovely to hear your voice again.

I love my girls, family and Ellusive more than anything.

I never thought being this happy existed.

Slept at 3am. Got a phone call at 6 from mum. Dad's decided to come visit and stay for the weekend... Or week. Got ready for work. Got sick. Got my eyebrows done. Went home to have lunch. Serenaded my family on the guitar. DAD FINDS A POOL OF WATER WHEN HE STEPS ONTO THE TILES. "Water? WATER!?" House floods after pipe from water machine bursts. Cleaned up the puddle, with fun. Watched Gossip Girl, dad watched his Korean dramas. Went out to dinner at Thai restaurant. ATE CRACKLOADS OF FOOD. Borrowed movies. Got home. Facebook'd. Phone call from the boyfriend. Watched movies. Blogger'd. Sleep. (L)

And It's Been Ten Days Without You In My Reach

"The truth is everyone's going to hurt you,

You've just gotta realise who's worth the pain."

Being with someone, I thought, I'd never have another lonely night. Turns out I was wrong. Maybe I expect too much.

You won't talk me into it next time,

If I'm going away, your heart's coming too.

'Cause I miss your hands, I miss your face,

When I get back let's disappear without a trace.

'Cause it's been ten days without you in my reach,

And the only time I've touched you is in my sleep.

But time has changed nothing at all -

Ten Days by Missy Higgins

It's Been Too Long And I'm Lost Without You

Darling Harbour: Alyssa, Bonez, Kim, Reena

I miss Spring. I miss impulsive outings with the best-friend and her boyfriend. I miss recording the karaoke nights with the best-friend. I miss night-riders with the best-friend. I miss the family drives to the East. I miss playing lemon-squash at Lennox's house with tennis rackets and cricket bats. I miss being able to fit in Lennox's cubby-house. I miss sitting in a baby's crib with Let, pretending to be pirates on a ship surrounded by sharks. I miss being strange in primary school. I miss being scared of Sister Betty. I miss lying compulsively to impress my friends. I miss telling my best-friend that I played Gollum in Lord Of The Rings. I miss singing lessons with Tita Susan, and watching Passions straight after school with Jan and Josh. I miss being excited for music recitals. I miss teenyboppering. I miss the daily conversations with Luke and Udom. I miss drawing anime. I miss being the only Asian (not that I dislike having my other friends around :)). I miss having baths with my brother and friends... Naked. I miss my first house in Australia. I miss Singapore. I miss my primary school and kindergarten. I miss how my first crush was a bald Chinese kid named George. I miss how Ronald ate playdo and got hospitalised. I miss being 4 years old and watching all the big kids dance hip-hop. I miss having big dreams. I miss wanting to be 16. I miss it when my friends would argue and I would be the 'messenger'. I miss how the world looked humongous from where you stood. I miss being a tomboy. I miss eating meat. I miss Happy Meals. I miss playing 'Mothers and Sisters'. I miss staying up, chatting on the phone. I miss having A.D.D. I miss everything.

I miss my girls. I miss SHG. I miss YFC. I miss conference. I miss my dad. I miss my grandmother. I miss my relatives. I miss Michael so much.

Darling Harbour: Nico, Kim, Alyssa, Bonez.

Could've Sworn That I Was Strong

"Is it my fault I can't speak? Or that my body becomes weak?

Or that I can hardly move, at the very thought of you?

Nothing ever really got to me, I could always turn the other cheek.

Could it be those days are gone? Could've sworn that I was strong.

At least I'm stronger than these emotions that are taking over me

I swear I'm stronger than these emotions, but they're taking over me."

Stronger by Gabe Bondoc

And so I’m currently in my year 12 IT class, we’re doing Microsoft Excel exercises and this could not bore me any further for the teacher knows that every single person in this classroom knows how to use, operate and formulate Excel. Or at least I think so. And as I’m sitting next to two male classmates, vague to the whole concept of work, they discuss their winnings on their current game of Puzzle Bobble – the combos earned by hitting high numbers of common-coloured, conjoined, onscreen bubbles - whereas others watch videos on Funnyjunk.com and Collegehumor.com, laughing at the stupidity and immature feats recorded on camera/video. Being the only female in the class does have its advantages, the boys don’t bother me unless they need female advice or facts, or if they’ve found something extremely hilarious on the Internet. This is my Melton class, and these are quite literally the only people I know up in this distant countryside, aside from the other mutual friends made in the same year level.

For a long time I’ve missed waking up to find messages on my phone. Reading them newly awoken and fresh-minded, it has already made my day.

My boss added an extra shift on Tuesday. I now officially work 4 days a week, and 5 days every fortnight. (Sigh)

Today’s a pretty busy day;
- Methods and chemistry, the next two subjects.
- Skipping the last few minutes of chemistry and afternoon homegroup to pick up my financial statement from the bank.
- Work, early dismissal at 5pm due to personal plans.
- Home to get changed.
- Movie night out with the girls for the release of the new Harry Potter movie at 6:30pm. (So excited!)
- Dinner with the girls.
- Home by 9:30pm.
- Commence introduction of history essay (Vietnam War).

General reminders:
- SELL GROOVE TICKETS.
- Pick up cheer shirt from Anna.
- Buy birthday presents for Jasmine, Hung, Khoi and Thea.
- Michael-time this upcoming Wednesday.
- Pick up State card on Wednesday.
- Learner’s test on July 24th (Friday), 9:30am.
- JD’s 18th at Sante on July 25th (Saturday), $25, 6-8:30pm.
- Mel’s 17th at her place on July 25th (Saturday), 7:30-late.

You Make Me Feel That Everything Is Going Right

You love to heed the warmth of sun and I completely agree with that one.
A dry heat, a nice breeze, and a hammock hung between two trees.
From the dimples to the smile, from your heart all the way to mine,
We fit, we match, we go... I think you ought to know...

I miss summer, I miss you.

Tip It On My D*ck

You make me laugh a million times more than the Comedy Channel ever will.
I miss you a lot, a lot, a lot.
And apart from being in an extremely good mood today, that was all I wanted to say.

"If I could smile a bigger smile than that of ear-to-ear, it would definitely surpass the outline of my face." I count the seconds that you aren't around.

All Of Me

Just thought I'd blog before I went to sleep, I've realised that I've succumbed to using Blogger as some sort of comfort tool. A venting source.

Get a good night's sleep, everything will be better in the morning. Or the next morning, maybe the morning after that. Hopefully. I'd tell myself.

I honestly can't stand talking to you every two-three days. You've got me concreted to this rollercoaster ride, I don't want to get out, but I don't want to have to put up with it either for long. I feel nauseous, my head spinning with confusion. I can see the tracks ahead, yet I can't predict it's outcome. The speed, the rocky and discomforting thought that the carriage may dislodge itself from the track at any moment. Darling, let's go on a smoother ride.

How can I give you all of me when all I get is half of you?

Tonight's On-The-Go playlist:

- All Of Me by Varsity

- Never Say Never by The Fray

- Ungodly Hour by The Fray

- Vienna by The Fray

- Catch Me by DuSouth

- You Got It Bad by Usher

- Cupid by 112

- I May Never Find by Chris Brown

- Nightlight by LS3

You Can Never Say Never

Disappointment only comes too often. Though, however, when you manage to break a smile on my face, my upsetting feelings wither away hastily, remembering all the while how I came to like you so much.

Don't let me go

Darling Harbour

We cruised around Sydney as chortled cries of excitement echoed through the bus. Despite the cheerful noise, John Mayer serenaded - though setting the perfect soundtrack to the views and sights. I couldn't help but think "He would like it here, or there!" or "It'd be nice to take a stroll through Darling Harbour with him." Only was it then that I'd realized I've been incorporating him in everything beautiful.
And only was it then had I realized that I felt as though I'm the only one trying to make 'us' work. I'm sorry, but even before these past 4 days have I felt this way... Trying to put effort into growing into eachother. I understand that you get "shy", but at least try to maintain communication... So at least I know you haven't forgotten about me.

We can go for days without speaking to eachother, but we're currently on holidays. I'd understand if school commenced, but darling, please make the most out of it. I miss seeing your gay face.

To The Ends Of The Earth

Jesus, I believe in you and I would go to the ends of the Earth, to the ends of the Earth for you.
That song's permanently etched in my head.

Just thought I’d quickly blog now that I’ve got my hands on some juicy net connection.

Arrived in Sydney y’day, Leadership training today (for 12 hours!), sight-seeing tomorrow! YEEE BOI! I’m gonna konk out soon, so tired. I miss seeing my man’s face. My man. LOL

Dreaming Of You

Ok questions that require answers concerning my previous blog;
- No, that paper conversation no longer holds any relevancy to the present day. Meaning I don't have feelings for that ex-boyfriend.
- No, I don't even like him at all. Let alone know him now.
- Yes, that guy still does have feelings.
- No, I don't feel the same way.
____________________________________________

He finally asked me the question.
HOMGHOMGHOGMHGOJGMGMOGMOSMG.
3:18pm, 7/7/2009
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Sydney in approx. 8 hours!?

Just Remembering A Little Something

I happened to be doing a little cleaning this evening and found this.
July 12th, 2008

baby i shudve never caught no feelings
bt baby having late night conversation on ur sofa
u telling me how he playd u out over n over, over n over
but im stuck in the middle of seein u hurt
i kno wen u luv him
n u wanna make it work
n i cant help but think that I knew u first
its getting louder
girl i cant ignore it no more baby
i can hear ur heart crying out for me
Why would you write that? It sounds like a song btw
yeh its crying out for me - mario n u kno ill always have a thing for u
It's not gonna be the same though, you know how I feel about you. All the letters I write him at night and shit, I feel like a fucking weiner-dog LMFAO and it's his birthday soon as well. I don't think I'll ever get over him. Ever.
at least now u understand how i feel
(end of conversation)

Hahaha, this is way old school
That conversation was very self-centered. /:

One Of Those Days

One of those days where you feel like the ugliest bitch ever, no matter how much make up you apply on your face.
One of those days where you feel the sudden urge to delete every social networking account you have registered. (I.e. MySpace, Facebook, etc.)
One of those days where you feel like fucking off.
One of those days where you feel like you've got nothing to lose. You wouldn't even give two shits if your house burned down right now.
One of those days where you would free-mindedly walk down a dark alley, hoping to be either kidnapped, raped, or killed.
One of those days where you would absolutely consider shaving your head.
One of those days where death seems so peaceful compared to the burden you forcefully live.
One of those days where you realise you spelt 'peaceful' as 'pieceful' after proof-reading your blog entry.
One of those days where you wonder what's wrong but you can never really pinpoint what it is.
One of those days where love fails to exist.
One of those days where you listen to love songs just to vomit the nice dinner you've just had.
One of those days where you want to fist your ex-boyfriend's face, just because.
One of those days where you don't give a donkey-fuck about who's reading your blog and what they'd think.

Combine all those days into one and that should clearly explain how my day went.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

Probably one of the best movies I've watched this year.

Woke up this morning and the first thing I did was reply back to Michael's message. 12:45 in the afternoon. Blu-tac'd the two MJ posters mum got for me on bedroom door and head wall of bed. Framed the photo of Yen and I above study desk.

Drove to WaterGardens to redeem my free Michael Jackson poster (may I add that I came to collect my fourth poster?) and to grab my daily dose of GJ's heavenly large chai lattes using the name 'Siobhan' (pronounced 'Sheh-von') this time.

Went to Video Ezy straight after and borrowed the following movies: Frost/Nixon, I've Loved You So Long, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, I Am Sam, Requiem For A Dream, and Interview With A Vampire. It took me 20mins to look for The Pianist to find that it was out. I didn't know whether to look under drama or action. (?)

Drove to my beefo's house and chilled for a bit with her new gweetar. Listened to the CD her boyf. made her for her birthday. Hooshit, I wish I had a boyfriend that serenaded me. ;)
Got home, watched three movies. Beefo called later that night.

Monday:
OLC practice, 9-5.
Pack for OLC, clean my room so I wouldn't have to do it on Tues.
Tuesday:
Date with my "man-candy" (or so Thea says)
Hanging out with my beefo
Thea coming over at 5
Sydney:
Wed-Sun

Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime by Beck (originally by The Korgis)

Boy I Know This Might Seem Strange...

Just got home from Dax's 18th dinner.

Had work, 10:30-3.
Helped Dax's mum make party bags for his party
Got a little assistance from Gian and Jenny. (L)
Got home, 4.
Got changed, put on more make-up. Shit like that.
Got to Ginifer station, 7:15.
Met up with Dax, Jon, Mish and met Tilly and Elaine
Trained to MC.
Trammed to restaurant. 8:30
Ate some strange hot pot thing Jon and I have never experienced
Didn't get to eat much
Alco time
Dax skulled fuckin' heaps, made me feel sick
Dax made his birthday speech; tiara, lei, badge and all
Cake time.
OMG CAKE FIGHT. Went until the end of the dinner
Jon and I left, trammed to MC with Karnhy and Alan(?)
Met up with Justin and Lisa at State Lib
LOL at the drunk chick at the escalators and the snorting women on the train.
Trained home. Fuckin' drainer.
Drove to Maccas. I needed to pee so badly
Got home, pee'd.
Showered.
The whole day went for a lllooonnnggg time.
___________________________________

I really miss that guy.

Just Friends

I'm not trying to pressure you,
Just can't stop thinkin' 'bout you


I'm beginning to grow aware of any possible situations. A close friend of mine has given me a heads up on my current confusion and how it could possibly turn out since it's happened to her already. (Yee darling, you know who I'm talking about). Things may turn sour, he may just see me as a friend and my feelings may never be returned. It's harsh to consider such path, he's the only guy I've really liked so much since C. And considering that, I'm slowly beginning to doubt that anything will happen at all.

However many of my friends have been saying that the feelings are exchanged, even from our mutual friends, some of whom are people I hardly ever speak to. But I don't want to get my hopes up.

I'd prefer to be disappointingly uncertain and find out the feelings are mutual, rather than being hopeful and having to be shattered and disappointed when realising the truth.

We'll just have to see until Tuesday.
I should stop making a big deal out of this.

Happy 18th Darren

"Know What I Mean, Jellybean?"

We are always running for the thrill of it, thrill of it

Always pushing up the hill, searching for the thrill of it

I'm in an especially great mood at the moment :) Currently chatting to Mikki, Jon, NJ, Thea and Lennox on MSN. Empire Of The Sun never fail to set my good moods, the only thing missing is the sun shining through my windows.

Do you ever get that feeling where you want to run through a luscious, green field under the clear, blue sky, kicking up Autumn leaves with your feet while the boy of your dreams sits by the oak tree with the cutest smile on his face?

'Cause I've got that feeling right now.

Movies to watch:

- If Only

- Let The Right One In

- Interview With A Vampire

- Coming Out

- Mysterious Skin

- Funny Games

- Fight Club (again)

- Pulp Fiction

- Das Leben Der Anderen (The Lives Of Others)

- The Pianist (again)

- Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

- El Laberinto Del Fauno (Pan's Labyrinth) (AGAIN)

- I Am Sam (again)

- Requiem For A Dream

"I Always Miss You, Idiot."

I honestly can't get enough.

Laying next to you afraid to sleep

I'm so scared that when I awake, you won't be here with me

I hold you so tight that you can't breathe

I don't wanna love you, but I love you.

Don't wanna need you, but I need you.

Don't wanna see you, but I gotta see you.

I gotta touch you, I gotta breathe you...

Catch Me by DuSouth

Love? Isn't that a little... Deep?

"Impend"

Half-hearted smiles

I came back just now from the city, I came home pretty late.
Mum hates that; he and I both call it "rapage hour".
We watched Transformers 2; was originally meant to be at IMAX but it sold out before either of us could say "Shit". So we decided to watch it at MC.
Ate Nandos chips, and later bought a green supercup from Hoyts.
He didn't take me home like he'd said, due to the plans made with his friends. Though that honestly wasn't a problem at all.

It doesn't quite feel the same, well whatever's going on between us.
My feelings remain, but it looks like nothing's ever going to happen.
Maybe we'll just stay friends, I don't know.
Sure, these things take time and I definitely don't want to rush things, but as I said before, I can't stand the mystery of it all. I need the clarification, the reassurance of the situation.
Assumptions are never good enough.
And second guessing? Don't get me started.

I won't be able to see him for another two weeks.
I miss hanging out already.

I honestly don't know what to feel.